Flights of Faith

2011 ECV Senior Night Remarks

2011-05-22T04:39:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the beginning of the end. And the beginning of the beginning.

In three days, three very fast days, you will be done with every ceremony, every congratulatory speech, every procession and you will be left with seven words: Remember, residences close at noon on Tuesday.

And that will be it.

Well, not it, exactly.

There will be facebook albums, a cap and gown that may or may not become your next Halloween outfit, and memories. Tons and tons of memories.

These memories, especially the ones recalled by your class and the administration, will focus on transition. Countless voices will ask you to remember move in day. Wide eyes, heavy bags, and eventually tired muscles. Moving in then, moving out now. From there, they might ask you to recall your first time receiving a grade at Yale or your first dance. Starting a career path then, receiving employment now. Or not. Romance then, moving closer to relationships that might become THE relationship now. Or not. A lot has happened in these past four years. And in three days, your undergraduate career will simply be a story.

But how will you tell it? And how will you live out the rest of your story?

My charge to you is to live it with risk and abundant, even foolish, amounts of love.

This is only my third witnessing of graduation after of my own in 2008, and – this time - I'm a fellow graduate again. Though the events of my undergraduate career have not changed, I still think I tell a different story than one I thought I was living then.

When I graduated, I had a hope of making a difference somehow. Like many of you, I'm guessing, I didn't feel particularly trained in anything that had a tailor-made career attached to it.

Instead, I had a feeling that my desire to connect more with the city of New Haven wasn't simply the guilt of being a Yalie. I sensed that my crush on a certain Branford senior wasn't something to dismiss without pursuing. And I felt that your class, the class of 2011 was somehow important to my journey, specifically my journey with God.

This was not the story I had lived for four years, but these were hunches I carried in the last season of my time as an undergrad.

So, Josh, what are you doing next year?

I'm investing in a city that does not know my name, pursuing a girl I've been on two dates with – and she doesn't even think the second one was a date....but it was –, and I'm going to love a group of people who probably expect me to leave and not come back.

No, that's not exactly what I told people. And there is the whole Divinity School thing.

Still, I let my risk taking – those three risks in particular - become my internal story – the narrative that truly motivated me.

And the only reason I did that is because I felt invited into that story of risk by a God who loves me.

God loves me when my ambition gets ahead of His plans, God loves me when my insecurities hurt a relationship He is forming, and God loves me even when I feel alone.

God's love is more than enough for the times that I fail. And I've failed quite a bit.

Thankfully, His loving voice restores us. In fact, God is in the business of commencement speeches - conversations about our new beginnings with Him. And He is merciful to start new conversations with eager hearts any second, any day, anytime.

What would you commence if you could depend on a steady relationship with a loving,
powerful and abundant,
living and active God for the rest of your life?

This is a serious question, and I hope you have already considered it thoughtfully.

Here's one thing I think you could start and something I think you're well equipped for as graduates of a diverse school that prides itself on being a microcosm of the world.

Be a God-translator.

In my experience at the Elm City Vineyard, I've witnessed God as a God who is with us.
And for God, the ultimate act of love is translation.

What do I mean by that?

I've come to believe that God will do everything in his power to translate love that will never leave, love that will always pursue, love that seeks constant growth, and love that acts with mercy, kindness, and surprising strength.

And this love exists anywhere and everywhere, beyond any walls that we could create or groups that we could form...this Love is always narrating stories of risk, fruitfulness, hope, and faith.

Can we find and translate those stories?

Jesus lived his life as an excellent translator of His Father. Even though he grew up a Jewish man, he was able to interpret God's word for non-Jews whether they be Samaritan women, Roman soldiers, or those even his own Jewish society marginalized like the poor or the sick. Reading the Gospels, I'm pretty convinced that Jesus did not have overly clever strategies for reaching these groups. He just heard God for himself and shared what he heard with everyone. His basic message: God is good for ALL people and God is setting up a Kingdom to celebrate that Goodness all the time. Then, he demonstrated that goodness. Right there.

2,000 years later what has changed from this core testimony?

The names of certain groups, the fact that people associated with Jesus have had good, bad and ugly efforts at living out his mission, and....well, nothing much else. If we would like to continue Jesus' lifestyle of God translating, we are pretty well-equipped.

And after all, you all are college graduates. You can do anything.

God is still good all the time.
In the midst of your transition, trust that promise and experience it through expecting Jesus to intervene in your life for the better.

As you hear and experience that for yourself, share it with others.

Be a translator of the Good News and wait to see how God grows those relatively small risks into transformative relationships, loving communities, and even cities that are known for the love of God.

Like most of the speakers that will come after me, I do not fail to believe that you are outstanding, future world leaders, and bursting with potential. I just hope more so than any of that, you remember that you are loved.

Good Friday Reflections

2011-04-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

Today is only good because we have the luxury of knowing the whole story.
Tonight, we've started our own hour. One where darkness does not reign, but one where it's felt.
Tonight, we acknowledge we live in the tension of a world redeemed and a world still under attack.
Yet, God is with us through it all.
Our goal in sharing the story of Jesus' death is not to glorify suffering; instead, we seek to get close to a God who goes low for us. A God who enters our own darkness.
Our goal in sharing our own suffering is not to compare it to Jesus'; instead, we seek to make the connection that Jesus felt our suffering on the cross – whether it was suffering we brought on ourselves or suffering that was thrust open us. Jesus felt it all. Unto death.
Jesus did not discriminate in that suffering.

We hope that sharing stories of suffering will allow us to see the ways that Christ is present with us in our suffering and how God was present with Christ even in the darkest hour.

May we seek His presence together.

Comes in like a Lion

2011-03-08T17:14:00.000-08:00

He fights for us.

We are chosen, we are not forsaken.

He is fighting for us.

Trust.

Rest.

Be.

I'd Rather...

2011-01-28T01:53:00.000-08:00

I'd rather be love drenched than duty bound.

Are You Willing to Fight?

2011-01-04T22:28:00.001-08:00

Are you willing to fight for your goals in 2011?

It doesn't just come by writing down a resolution.

I'm getting my Ali-like butterfly/bee moves down for this season.

Knocking on the doors of abundance, being armored in perseverance, and realizing that love's vastness is a daily invitation.

I want to see how much history can belong to the intercessor, the one who lives out their silent hopes and dreams.

Let's go.

What Happens When It's All Connected?

2010-12-23T07:44:00.000-08:00

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27)

In my world, one group desires justice and one group wants to avoid the ways of this world. James says both and seems to connect the two together as a practice. I'm often stuck between communities who use a rhetoric of justice and people who have a category of "pollutants" and stay away from them. James pushes us with his language. What if justice has to be more than rhetoric, bumper stickers, facebook groups, desires, and even future ambition? What if it has to be now? And what if the pollutants of this world is anything that prevents you from helping orphans and windows? It could be your current budget that prioritizes movies, the amount of time you spend with church folks in safe spaces, the unhealthy relationship you have with your partner, and the way your critique encourages fear of action.

This verse is burning in me right now. Haven't we heard this before? People desiring faith and a connection with God, but hating what they see as options. Are we even living out a desirable path for ourselves let alone others? It seems like there's a virus infecting us to divide the call for justice and holiness. Their paths are connected and each corrects the extreme version we might have been offended by in the past.

Justice is not stringent ideology without human connection. It is rooted in an extension of the family of God. We cannot love our neighbors without knowing them. We cannot truly celebrate any changes in their legal or systemic condition without being connected to their communities.

Holiness is not a dress code or moral perfection. It is the understanding that God is not confused; God is still God: pure and true. Holiness aims to let us share in that clarity instead of being lost. We can build practices that will help clarify our life through the lens of God, so we do not become polluted to the fact that our true call is to love God and to love neighbor.

They work together. Try being present with someone when your personal life is a mess. You can't. Try caring about an issue, when you don't even know the people surrounding it. You feel fake. We cannot be satisfied with a divided gospel or a divided self.

Abba God, help us integrate our lives with your people and remove this persistent confusion that surrounds us.

Dangerous Prayers

2010-10-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

I wonder if there's an "Are you real, God?" course that looks primarily at issues of justice and compassion as opposed to the more apologetic or "what does God have for me" type of material. I just really think God answers prayers about the marginalized. Pray and see.

This talk is the result of some of my dangerous prayers. God is giving me a heart and call to the poor that's sort of wrecking my life...in an amazing way. I think the hardest part is knowing how easy it would be to leave it all behind and make myself believe that wasn't really for me. The good thing is that won't be true for long. God, take me to the mess.

http://ecvtalks.blogspot.com/2010/10/loving-poor-josh-williams.html

Prayer

2010-09-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

I just finished Richard Foster's work on Prayer today. He fleshed out 21 different ways to prayer. I've gotta say I'm inspired.

Prayer is fascinating. It's this time where I get to sit before God: the one I fear, the one I love, the one I forget, the one I worship, the one I sin against, the one I believe fully except when I don't. The one I follow except when I turn away. Prayer is time with The One.

When we unlink prayer from an odd form of punishment and when we realize God is not just a genie, then we begin to walk in the mystery of prayer. Personally, I pray to be more like God. For me, this happens in a few ways.

In prayer, I think of God's goodness and become more like Him just as one is molded by who they surround themselves with.
In prayer, I actively ask God to take away sins, heal my brokenness, and forgive me afresh. I sense freedom and transformation.
In prayer, I resist forms of sloth or evil, active or inactive. There are a lot of times where it'd serve me much more to prayer than to entertain other thoughts. When I include the pains of this world in my prayers suddenly I become a spiritual activist who is equipped to not easily participate in evil.

I love that my choice to pray does not cripple me as a monk (though that might be right for some people). I can pray as I walk, talk, drive, write, laugh, dance, or ride. In some sense, we're meant to pray and we're always praying. It's a question of allowing our everyday prayers (curses on the highway, smiles at nature, sadness over hurt and pain) to be recognized by a God who wants to help us. We also grow in prayer as we realize our prayers have history and the one who receives them has an amazing personality.

Honestly, prayer would be great even if it only actualized a few of its features. Prayer as a form that solely changes us. Prayer as something that helps others while leaving us the same. Prayer that pleases God and no one else. Thankfully, we don't have to choose. I've seen prayer spill over into all those areas.

If I lived a life that was defined in prayer, I would not be ashamed or disappointed. I can only hope to be defined as one in communion with God. May it be so for you and for me.

Friendship

2010-08-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

“Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, ‘Sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.’ I know I am very fortunate in that respect.”
--C.S. Lewis

Thoughts?

A Long View of Discipleship

2010-08-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

One of my primary identities is as a disciple of Jesus. It's a challenging identity to hold onto because it means I need to be in an active relationship with an invisible someone who speaks in many intangible ways. To be fair, that intangibility becomes more real as you press into it. In fact, it makes a certain amount of sense. I have many intangible gestures that my close friends and family would recognize right away as Josh-isms. Yet, a stranger still might be lost by my quick mischevious grins or my pursed bottom lips or that crazy laughter. There are ways of knowing me that only come through relationship, specifically one where I've opened up.

So maybe God's invisibility is not the hardest part of discipleship. One of the things I've been thinking about lately is transformation and revival. It seems this topic is one that frustrates many. Out of the people living on this Earth, my guess is many have prayed to God. (There's actually a cool study on the frequency of atheist and agnostic prayer. I'll try to find it.) My other guess is a lot of those prayers have been out of desperation and a need for transformation in some area of their lives. If the world, specifically the West, want a God, then I'm sure this is how that God would be like, much like a Genie. In essence, we don't want a God to train us or to love us consistently or to raise us up, but we do want a God to give us what would transform us right away.

By the way, I'm not here to make any "side" a straw man and knock it down. Believe me, I've wanted and still want quick fix transformation in many ways. But what if that's simply not possible? Huh? Isn't God all powerful? Yes, I believe that. But what if the sweeter path and the greatest reward is in a longer path that involves more people? For instance, let's say a girl is upset by the talents of her older sister so her first prayer to a God she doesn't know is to give her a beautiful voice. I actually want that prayer to be answered. Another beautiful voice in the world? Bring it on! However, that request might just cause further separation between the sisters (something that would sadden God). That's a bit simplistic, but I think it demonstrates the concept I've been thinking about recently.

What if a long view of discipleship by Jesus restores not just a singular issue but one's whole life? Relationships, Careers, Upbringing, Passions, etc. And what if the end goal is Shalom Peace, a peace that reorders and restablishes everything. In a sense, it's the peace of heaven coming down to Earth. It seems like discipleship is a path towards that, and it involves dyanmic proccesses embedded in relationships. Just as a genie-like prayer won't get us there fully, I don't think an individual pursuit of God will get us there either. If Shalom Peace restores broadly, then I think part of our discipleship will come through specific relationships where core issues in our lives are addressed by God directly and in the company of folks inspired by and following Jesus.

That's not to say genie-like prayers aren't answered. They are. I've had many answered, and I will continue to ask for more (scripture gives us a model for that: For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Mt. 7:8). There's something much bigger going on here then any individual requests. And our God is certainly not as one-dimensional as a genie. We are being given the option of a full service restoration by the one who actually created us. Isn't that intriguing? So, I ask for big, messy, wonderful things in prayer. Things that would change me, my city, and this world in prayer. But I also watch for how God is shaping and forming me in different seasons, through different relationships, through my engagement with culture, with all sorts of things. Because I really think a loving God wants to raise up a son in his relationship with me. And that's worth some patience as hard as it is.

what am i looking for

2010-08-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

one of the things i admire about jesus is his ability to ask good questions. it's something i pray for often. i get some inspiration in this regard from a t.s. eliot poem, 'chorus from the rocks':

"When the Stranger says: "What is the meaning of this city ?
Do you huddle close together because you love each other?"
What will you answer? "We all dwell together
To make money from each other"? or "This is a community"?

Oh my soul, be prepared for the coming of the Stranger...
Oh my soul, be prepared for the coming of the Stranger.
Be prepared for him who knows how to ask questions."

jesus has asked me great questions.

i think the one he's asking me now is a familiar one.

"what are you looking for, josh?"

this is always a hard question. i think it can be even harder when you start to realize that this is not limited to God answering small things. that's usually where it starts and where it started for me. God is up for huge requests. stuff that can change lives. even people you'll never meet. i want that transformation. when i look around at agape homeless church or the sadness on my campus or even in the mirror. it becomes more and more clear...i'm glad i don't know everything about God yet...because I hope there is the possibility of transformation and lived out answers right now. and i yearn for us to experience God fully. A God who is only good for our lives.

i hope august is a month of writing for me. writing to God, writing on this blog, writing to friends.
i neglect what has been such an invaluable tool for me.
this blog seriously captures a significant amount of my thoughts during the upswing of my faith that started this whole adventure. it's crazy that it's all here. an e-testimony of how God has met me, called me into things, and cast vision for my entire life.

i want to think about that. i want to praise God for that. i want to know specifically what I'm looking for.

tell me, jesus.

Jams

2010-07-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

What music are people listening to lately?

I've been jamming to Mumford and Sons and John Mark McMillian. Anyone else have some ear candy?

Some samples.

Don't Despise Dreaming

2010-06-15T06:08:00.000-07:00

19 "Here comes that dreamer!" they said to each other. 20 "Come now, let's kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we'll see what comes of his dreams." (Gen 37:19-20)

I'm reading through Genesis now, and I'm struck by how Joseph's brothers talk about him. I really think the story of Joseph is one of the reasons I stuck around on this journey of faith. Who can not relate to Joseph in this situation? Kill the dreamer, kill the dreams. Isn't that such the logic of this world? Clearly, we don't have to honor every dream. Yet, we can sit with dreamers and their dreams. We can honor visions even while pointing to helpful realities. And yes, we can even be swept up with dreams and visions remembering times where we had similar thoughts of grandeur and optimism. Did we have a mentor? Someone who believed in us? If not, could we be the ones who birth dreams and visions?

I hope I'm ready to be the midwife. I do not need to be a star, but I do need to see dreams of peace, joy, and love become a reality. This life is chaotic and dark, and we need to unleash our restlessness in the form of creativity, not just escapism to Middle Earth, Wisteria, Glee, or wherever Twilight is set. It's clear we need more than that. Let's seek healing from our own wounds we got from stepping out as dreamers and then venture out one more time. This time let's gather allies. If God calls us family already, then let's at least be a team.

What Are Your Values?

2010-06-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I spoke at a Summer Institute I went to last year. After I reflected on my experience, our teacher led us through an exercise on values. What values are important to you? Let's name some. After we made a similar list to what is above, we were asked to choose eight. Then, three. The goal is for you to have a handful of values you know guide and anchor you. Here are mine:

My eight: Love, Mercy, Perseverance, Honor, Sacrifice, Courage, Power, Justice

My three: Love, Mercy, Courage

What are yours? Do not restrict yourself to words on the graphic.

Guest Post: Matt Croasmun's Words on Graduation

2010-05-23T04:35:00.000-07:00

Commencement is a dizzying time, especially for those who have been intentionally pursuing things not in Yale's core testimony of these bright college years. Since I graduated a couple years ago, I've sensed the need for some reflection. Here are some thoughts from my friend, Matt Croasmun, who spoke at my church's senior night.

Welcome to commencement week—to senior week. I've been through my fair share of senior weeks over the last 13 years… as a student, as a campus minister, as a graduating Div student, as a TA, as a local pastor, so…

Welcome to senior week. Welcome and beware. This time next week, you will have graduated from college. In many cases, you will be unemployed. but no matter.You will be Yale graduates. And during this tremendous transition, you will get a lot of advice. Put on that mortarboard and it's like putting on a big "give me advice" sign on your forehead.

And, surprisingly, you'll also have a bunch of people this week tell you who you are. People will tell you you're world leaders. They'll tell you you have boundless opportunities, endless earning potential, limitless social and intellectual resources from your time here at Yale.They'll tell you that you can change the world and make a name for yourself along the way.

In the midst of all this, I have just one concern: My concern is that they're all thinking too small. My concern is that you'll buy what they're selling and, in the process, sell yourselves short.

We like to say around ECV that we want to lead revolutionary lives of action and call others to lead these kinds of lives. "Revolutionary lives of action"… I think that's what God's invited us to pursue. And what God has for you is so much bigger than what even the most idealistic commencement address this week will pitch you on.

Why do I say that? First of all, it has everything to do with what an awesome, terrifying thing it is to be a human being… To be a human is to be made in God's image and whatever else that might mean, the thing clearest from the biblical text itself is that being made in the image of God means exercising dominion over the entire created order. (look it up in Genesis 1:26; it's there) To be a human means sharing in God's fruitful, creative, abundant, loving care of the creation. It means to exercise the kind of authority that sees life spring up in its wake. In light of Jesus, being human means participating in the renewal of the cosmos. (You can begin to see why "world change" is actually too small a motto…)

What's that practically look like? It looks like creating culture, rather than just consuming it. It looks like aggressively—some might say recklessly—investing what God's given you in the things God is doing in the world: in peace, justice, and mercy. It looks like a life of courage. It is the adventure of a lifetime, begun the day we wake up and realize we've been created kings and queens—created to, as Romans 5 says, "reign in life"—we're appointed by God to exercise nurturing authority on the earth and we have work to do—work that will bring fruitfulness to God's people everywhere—and here I certainly mean "God's people" in the broadest sense: all people, everywhere.

So far what I've said probably sounds a lot like what you might here anywhere, just amplified a bit and dressed up in theological language. Really, what I've given you is the "life of action" part of "revolutionary lives of action" What's the revolution? Revolution is about turning things on their head. Revolution is about the first being last, the last being first… Revolutionary lives of action, revolutionary lives of God-given authority leverage the authority of the Creator of the universe for the good of those society would otherwise leave behind.

In a society slowly dying of consumer passivity, living life intentionally, engaging in a life of action is revolutionary in itself. But more revolutionary still is this: Living intentionally, working creatively, passionately, excellently—exercising leadership and broad influence—doing all those things and doing them for the sake of the poor—dare I say, for the unimportant—producing world-class work for a God-honoring goal that might to some seem unimpressive. That's revolutionary.

Note that this is not about a career path. This is not about a call to the nonprofit world. A revolutionary life of action could just as well take you to the venture capitalists as to the humanitarian foundations. I'm not sure we always do the best job of making that point—a call to follow Jesus isn't necessarily one that has to be followed outside the market.

We planted a church in New Haven; that has been great; wouldn't trade it for the world. But I've been thinking recently… New Haven needs jobs. Now that God's established ECV—and seeing so many other God-honoring churches in this city—what I really want for our city is a growing movement of double-bottom-line entrepreneurs: folks good at leveraging the muscle of the market for the good of the poor, the outcast, the disenfranchised. Folks willing to do business here intentionally even though there's a better deal elsewhere—because they love the city. That would be revolutionary life. As revolutionary as any NGO, any nonprofit you might found.

Two other quick thoughts, since I have you captive here, on how to live your revolutionary life of action:

First, value relationships (God does).

Back when I was about to graduate from Yale, a guy came by and laid out a paradigm shift for us about how to think about major life decisions. He said that usually people value jobs as the most rare, most precious thing, because, ostensibly, they're so hard to find. So, typically, folks pursue a job first and jobs are in places, places have people, and some of those people might become your friends.

But, he suggested that that whole model is based on a false premise, because, in his experience, jobs are not actually the most precious, most rare commodity in life; relationships are. So, he said what if instead we started the other way around and said, since relationships are the most important, we start with the relationships God's inviting us into, and then those people are in places and places have jobs. That would turn things upside-down, wouldn't it? Hannah and I did that almost 10 years ago now, deciding to live life with some friends and to do that here in New Haven and that's made all the difference: abundant life in relationship is the way to go.

Now, that's not to say that if you're on your way to some new place with new people, you've fundamentally missed the boat; not at all. Maybe this call to relationship is a call to relationships that you've yet to build.

Regardless, wherever, with whomever, let me suggest this to you: Invest in people. Value your relationships over all else that clamors for your attention. God, after all, is the God of relationship in a relational universe. Relationships is, in the language of C.S. Lewis, the deeper magic of the cosmos.

So, it will go well for you if you invest in people… But most significant is to do so because it's the call of God on your life: Seek Him first… Follow Jesus. Put your hope in Him more than in good ideas, more than in people, more than in "community," more than in religion, more than in the Bible—though any number of those will help you in following Jesus.

Follow Jesus, who is our Way and be ready for the dissolution of great plans. Jesus says, "I am the Way." not "I am the Destination." The destination is precisely what can remain unknown because we have Jesus. So, if you don't know where we're headed—take heart—and if you think you've got a good idea—get ready—in some significant sense, the destination of our lives is hidden from us. We know God's plans are good, to prosper us and not to harm us. But where, when, and how God's goodness comes into our lives is not ours to know. All we can know for sure is, wherever we're headed, Jesus is the Way.

So, look, whatever else you hear in this next week about where you're headed or who you are, focus on this: God has called you to a revolutionary life of action, a life spent in pursuit of Jesus on behalf of the world—the people—God so loves.

Oh, and drop me a line now and then along the way; I'm excited to see what God's going to do.

matt@elmcityvineyard.org
5/17/10

The Barbershop of Love

2010-05-05T07:21:00.000-07:00

a couple of days ago, i was talking to my friends.

wouldn't it be weird if we just stopped thinking about what God wants us to do with our degrees all the time, and we became barbers and just loved people through cutting hair, talking to them, and building God's church?

there was a weighty silence.

we realized how much more loving and intentional we would be and how much time we waste in this constant game of "what does God want us to do?!" that is predicated on our privilege and our performance.

while we're all still in the game of "discerning God's will for our lives," i think it was an important moment for all of us, for me.

i want to love like it's the present. i don't want "the future" to be my lord. it doesn't love me. heck, it isn't even here and it's not even guaranteed. I want God to be my God. He is present with me. I've heard of his deeds in the past, and I'm trusting in his presence for the future. help me yield to you.

make this process one of growing in obedience, not wasted time.

it's gotta change

2010-05-03T06:53:00.000-07:00

i feel there's a trend for those who acknowledge a god today, especially young ones, not to locate God in people, places, or things. a location that would lead to loving service and obedience. scripture speaks of a vision where we are the bondservants of Jesus, we are the stewards of our resources, called to specific cities or towns, and a place where we call our friends brothers and sisters despite their treatment of us. that's not what i see when i survey the landscape. instead of asking God where to locate Him, we tend to pop theologize it and say God is everywhere and then we just go as we please. this is no Gospel. it's confusion and our passions sway our path. individual choice, again, is our idol and we worship at its altar. and we constantly justify that worship as something else. it's a step on a path, i need it for that, i can still find god here. of course, it's all those things. after one chooses that path. we don't have to though; we're not forced. there is something more. where is our discipline? where is our request to be set apart? where is the Spirit. God, help me. God, help us. we need you.

I Desire Peace

2010-04-30T05:49:00.000-07:00

Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Friend of Sinners

2010-04-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.tierra-nueva.org/FriendofSinnerssoundclip.mp3

Jesus, friend of sinners. How I wish you were here like you once were. I want your comfort. I want your refuge. I long for you.

Spirit, come and show the resurrected Jesus. Let him be near once more.

Love.

Delusion or Choose Your Own Adventure

2010-04-15T13:19:00.001-07:00

How many times will we watch Lord of the Rings only to realize we are still not living lives of adventure? We consume stories that do not involve our own risk, our own humiliation, and yes our own amazingly breathtaking adventure that makes being alive actually worth everything. Why?

troubled

2010-04-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

i'm troubled that we say what we want to say at any time, at any cost of meaning. i'm troubled that we don't think thoughts like...

what do these words mean in light of everything else that i believe?
if a Stranger were to come asking good questions, would my words stand at all?
am i speaking for a moment when my words actually have the potential to last a lifetime?

do we use our words falsely, do they constantly betray us?

and what does all this mean if we believe at the end of the day that words have power?

i believe women and men have started movements with their words, i've seen words bring healing of many kinds, i've witnessed words empower others, I think God spoke forth creation with words.

so why would we throw words wantonly or sprinkle our words on wounds hoping that lies or false comfort will heal what we know will take delicate surgery?

what if truth is more like a person, someone we can relate to along our journey? we'll never get truth right exactly but we can commit to sincerity - a practice of speaking as truthfully as we can at our present moment. maybe then, we would speak carefully, out of relationship, as we create worlds with our mouths.

i want the worlds i create to be true, powerful, and full of a jealous and uncompromising love.

this spring

2010-04-11T19:21:00.000-07:00

is all about love.

do we ever read scripture

2010-03-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

and ask why our lives do not look like the disciples?

when's the last time i humiliated myself following Jesus?

i need to answer that question with action.

God, let your word unsettle me to the point where i have to change. unleash your grace.

witness

2010-03-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

Given Jesus' ministry, how would a follower of Jesus mark something like the seven years we have been in Iraq? A community of followers? How did you come to that conclusion?

hunger and thirst

2010-03-23T17:18:00.000-07:00

what if god answers dangerous prayers?

i pray to hunger and thirst after you, the Kingdom, and your righteousness.

what does that even mean?

what if we're not even able to comprehend what we'll receive in prayer? what if we just have to trust that it'll be good.

lord, i want to believe you're here. come in my life and change everything. make my life a demonstration of your love, power, and goodness. let my friends and enemies walk in that.

i want to trust you with all of myself - even my imagination. what if even that could be disciplined? what if i prayed to have the strength to love when spat on, punched, looked over, lied about, treated like an object, even killed? i could connect with others then - many who live near death and dying of all sorts. these are the ones you comfort and love, and i want to behold that sort of majesty.

who are your poor? where are they, god? show me my own, poverty. i want to be sent out, but you are a god who shapes and forms - you are a god who prepares. prepare me, lord. though you have no reason, trust that the desire of my heart is to serve you. may that be true.

Who Knew?

2010-03-07T05:07:00.001-08:00

I love preaching!

Well, I think I started to know last semester. :) I'm giving one later today. Pray, por favor. Also, let's hope March will be a post-filled month. A lot is still stirring in me. I just need a rhythm for writing. Any topics people interested in discussing together?

Peace!

Healthy Justice and Messengers of Love

2010-02-09T07:40:00.001-08:00

It seems like there are some times when justice making and restorative works of compassion require our own personal lives to be off kilter for a season. The work in Haiti is one example. Relief providers are making necessary sacrifices and the enormity of the events have led to disharmony. This is not ideal, but it may be needed for a time. We can help this through expanding communal resources. This pace adjusts over time as we have seen with New Orleans. The rebuilding effort can be part of a replenishing and healing lifestyle as opposed to full tilt acts of service. Time settles.

In fact, some local issues are always meant to be lived out of a healthy rhythm as opposed to a random banging of the keys. So many of the friends I've interacted with around homelessness or youth violence would never want me to damage my other friendships, fall into bad health, or even ignore my school work. They don't need someone who is dying (or letting other things die) to help them. They need a lifegiving force, just like I do. I need to be an integrated person who is working on wholeness to provide another image of what restoration and healing looks like. I need to see that in the mirror. Others need to see it too. That's the only way it will be sustainable. Otherwise, we become bodies who toil and labor, burn our bodies in the flame, and we hope no one will notice the damage. The truth is the difference between an alive spirit and a dead one always can and will be felt.

This is a tough word for me and for many others with sensibilities to serve and to do justice.

If there is a force that loves us and wants our spirits to be alive, then it means that force cares more about us than our ambitions (however positive we think they are). It also means that the force might thwart our plans for the sake of us getting connected to a sustainable, lifegiving source. That seems counter-intuitive but if I try to envision myself as a parent, then I think I get it. I wouldn't care if my daughter was working for global climate change if she was getting no sleep and falling into destructive patterns or relationships. I'd try to rescue her. I guess someone like God can do that perfectly. I'd have to be in that smooth rhythm. Otherwise, I will be just another victim of ambition and striving while leaving a Love that actually works.

Love is. True love is ready made with the stuff of purpose, direction, call, sustainability, abundance, and power. All we have to do is listen to where we are supposed to take it and how we are supposed to show it. True Love will never be careless or random. True Love always has a mission, and it always starts a path to save, heal, and transform. We cannot get around that Fact and that is good news. We are carriers of Love. We shout Love's message. We do not deny Love's name. We are creative with Love's power and Love's familiarity and vastness for all. We acknowledge that Love, named or not, is always freedom. We understand that Love is a narrow way. It calls us to die, to go deeper, to sacrifice.

This might not always be heroic and cinematically appealing. It might mean trusting something or someone we've feared. It might mean being humiliated or feeling weird by something we're called to do. It might mean giving up something that looks and feels very nice. Dying is not just martyrdom to physical life. It is a slow and long death that starts when we realize Love is a force that changes us. It pushes darkness out, and brings light in. We begin to realize this Love we may have embraced in small part is after all parts of ourselves. This Love has patterns. This Love is unpredictably predictable. This Love seems trustworthy even if it calls me to the farthest reaches of the earth or invites me to stay where I am the rest of my life. I could always act like I don't hear or tune away from Love's station. I could always rebel. I could always justify. I could use my sliver of a tongue to flap off any number of convincing responses as to why Love is wrong, and I am right. This would work especially well for those who aren't connected to Love. Honestly, remaking 'Love' to my own image seems like a waste of time. Maybe, I'll make my last stand when I'm being particularly disobedient about a big life choice. I don't know. I guess I hope not. It's just that I love Love, not just the things that Love does for me or I do for Love. I actually just am in love with who Love is and Love's attributes. It's ridiculously attractive to me because it's all who I fail to be alone, and it's all I'm becoming when I walk with Love even though I stumble often. Patient, Kind, Does Not Envy, Does Not Boast, Is Not Self Seeking, Long Suffering, No Record Of Wrongs, Does Not Delight In Evil But Rejoices With The Truth, Always Trusts, Always Hopes, Always Preserves. Love Never Fails. And I want it badly.

Maybe the tension is this: How do we run to save and heal and also be still and know Love? I want to be known by Love, not just a stranger who does Love's work. I'm still learning, but I want my feet to feel the coolness of the water running past. I want the breeze to be Love's whisper. I want the Sun to be a promise that this isn't just for me because it shines for all. Yet, I feel its burning as a reminder that others are not warm despite its presence. What is it like to be a messenger of Love? Maybe, it's just being aware of what is happening around us and simply following the way of Love.

7 "But blessed are those who trust in the LORD,
whose confidence is in the LORD.

8 They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

(Jeremiah 17:7-8)

May we be blessed to know and love a Love that will never leave us nor forsake us while accepting and welcoming a Love that always desires more of ourselves.

Simple Truths, Hard Actions

2010-02-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

Let's join God in this work, yea?

Renewal

2010-01-24T23:57:00.001-08:00

I love discovering that He's good all over again.

Today, I walked blindly. I saw glimpses, but I did not press in even as I talked with His people and planned for His purposes. And then, I got prayer at church. And God spoke! He spoke to me again. He spoke with clear pictures, words, and verses from His word.

He encouraged me. He told me that what I felt was invisible is actual a part of His reality.

There is food at His table for me. I was told not to wait for others. I don't need to be polite. No one is ever shut out against their will and there will be even more when everyone arrives. Peace is now. Rest is now. Joy is now.

And now I am worshiping Him. And it is good.

Imagination / Reason

2010-01-21T06:10:00.000-08:00

Imagination does not breed insanity. Exactly what does breed insanity is reason. Poets do not go mad; but chess players do. …To accept everything is an exercise, to understand everything is a strain. The poet only desires exaltation and expansion, a world to stretch himself in. The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits.

GK Chesterton

Thoughts?

Haiti and the Power of Small Communities

2010-01-14T09:53:00.000-08:00

God, send your healing and restorative power to the nation of Haiti. They need you and we need you. You are our God and we are your people. We claim that truth even when blood, dust, and death cover them and cover us. Help us, Jesus. Be with us, Lord.

This will catch you up on what's happening in Haiti if you haven't been following the events and aftermath of the 7.3 earthquake. My response has been a strange one. Why do I expect natural disasters like these? The images are always shocking, but nature beating down on us is just expected these days of crazy earthquakes and hurricanes and tsunamis. But there are ways that we begin to feel compassion. For me, it has been the reality of Haitian friends who are concerned about their family and a place that represents a place of belonging and home. I think there's also an inner tug and pull through our capacity to do something - not to become a savior; instead, to act appropriately as a human belonging to a bigger family. We are feeling a force pulling us to love our neighbors as ourselves. We have the capacity to give and to pray and to truly let the lives lost and the lives who still breathe affect our heart. This isn't about effort, to me. We shouldn't struggle to do this. I don't think that will help. We need to allow ourselves to do it. Let's open up a space.

Yesterday, I saw a report of an organization, Hope for the Children of Haiti, who lost no one in the earthquake. Praise! I thought to myself that that's what a certain type of praise is: excitement, rejoice, understanding the potential costs and worshipping victory over death. It's the heroic cheer. It's worship as mourning that I need to understand more. Is it coming alongside those whose memories of the dead are still alive? Is it mourning and praying for the dead? Is it joining a good God who is also shedding tears at the loss of His children? Maybe, it's just about us being faithful. Faithful through the good, the bad, and what we don't understand. Will we let tragedy separate us from the love of God...even when we don't understand how that love uses or doesn't use its power? Let us remain with the God who is comfortable with our questions. Let's keep talking with the God who has given us answers earlier in our path with Him.

Another way to show our faithfulness is to commit to action. I'm too prone to going this route in an effort to avoid all of the feeling I need to embody. All of the feeling I need to release. The feelings I need to give to God. But action is still important and necessary. While individually acting is powerful and effective, there is something about mobilizing small communities that has a dynamism to it.

Most of us belong to some small community: family, team, class, group celebrating aspect of a culture or identity, church small group. Let's covenant to talking about the relief efforts among them and suggesting our groups to corporately give money to the relief efforts, especially if that hasn't been done individually. If your community believes in the power of prayer or some other embodied act of witness that will be felt deeply, this is also something to suggest.

I think one of the reasons mobilizing small groups is powerful because if they remain still, they also remain silent. And while no one is actively harming anyone, all of a sudden that small group community becomes a place where "those things" don't happen or a place of separation from the "real world" and, thus, real pain. They become places of normalcy as opposed to places of peculiarity. Each group needs someone with a voice, someone who will be willing to speak for those who have yelled. Someone who will break the silence for someone who has cried. We have that choice. Let's be a witness.

Please share your reactions, thoughts or prayers, or other ways to help out this effort. I'm gonna post the most accurate and detailed I know of organizations ready to turn money into aid in the comments section.

Is Dreaming Safe...or Good? Conversation Is Needed.

2010-01-10T19:23:00.000-08:00

Look! A quote for you:

"Innumerable times a whole Christian community has broken down because it had sprung from a wish dream. The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it. But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams. Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves.

By sheer grace, God will not permit us to live even for a brief period in a dream world. He does not abandon us to those rapturous experiences and lofty moods that come over us like a dream. God is not a God of the emotions but the God of truth. Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it. The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both.

A community which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community. Sooner or later it will collapse. Every human wish dream that is injected into the Christian community is a hindrance to genuine community and must be banished if genuine community is to survive. He who loves this dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial.

God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians which his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the circle of brethren. He acts as if he is the creator of the Christian community, as if his dream binds men together.

When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. When his ideal picture is destroyed, he sees the community going to smash. So he becomes, first the accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Living Together

If you don't know about Dietrich, here's a bio. What do people think about this quote? I'm not even sure if I have coherent thoughts on it (just more questions), but I want to dialogue about it in the comments section. Even if you don't comment regularly, please share your thoughts. I think it's a really important topic, especially considering our opportunity to dream in the world we live in now. And if you don't consider yourself a follower of Jesus, I still think there are ways to enter into the dialogue so don't let that stop you.

Desired Words for My Life

2010-01-07T17:21:00.000-08:00

I reach for words. I desire to be known by some. Ultimately, I just want Jesus. I want to be more like him every day. And I know that does not mean getting better every day. It means becoming alive. It means making strange things normal. It means being peculiar. But everything else I have tried has left me dissatisfied, so this will have to be it. These are words I dwelled in 2009 for I think they are needed catalysts in a life of positive faith for our world today.

Loved.
Loving.
Loyal (to the good).
(Full of) integrity.
Undivided (heart to the good).
Trustworthy.
Worshipper (in spirit and in truth).
Passionate.
Creative.
Visionary.
Generous.
Compassionate.
Patient.
Merciful.
Gracious.
Forgiving.
Innocent.
Pure (in heart).
(Willingly) obedient.
Needy.
Hungry and thirsty.
Blessed.
Powerful (for the least, not at the cost of them).
Empowering.
Servant.
Wise.
Teachable.
Free.
Found.

And as always,

Friend - this is the word that has characterized my life.

What words do you desire?

Flicks of 2009

2010-01-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

I was surprised by how few movies I saw in 2008. When I reviewed the films of the year, I found out many of the ones I saw were simply unmemorable. 2009 is similar.

My first movie of the year was in May: STAR TREK! I wish this was a better movie, but it was fun. I could not stand Kirk's sexism, arrogance, and swagger. J.J. Abrams knows how to get to me though, and I loved the score. I'm looking forward to the sequel.

Next up, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Disappointing and cheesy. Tina and I had wanted to see Earth, the Disney nature film, but we got our times mixed up. After ten minutes of the Beyonce horror Obsessed, our consciences forced us to find another movie. Wolverine, it was. Mildly entertained, we were.

After that, I kept the summer tradition and saw Pixar's Up. I loved the movie, and I think it might be my favorite of the year. I still have trouble with the fact that it's about an old dude, a little boy, and a talking dog. However, I just watched the montage sequence towards the beginning of the film, and it is pure wonder.

Transformers was a popcorn requisite. I would have sat out, but my apartment decided to go. The way we got through it? Cheering for Transformers legend references, Megan Fox posing, and Shia saying he wasn't ready. It was a hoot.

Most disappointing film was Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I'll probably watch it again sometime, but I just sighed my way through this film. The Potter series got ordinary the only time it could get away with it...the second to last Potter. I didn't hate it as much as 'Goblet.' At the same time though, 'Goblet' had scenes that beat any reel in HP6...easy.

Ponyo, one of Studio Ghibli's films was pure ridiculousness.

I wrapped up the year with Precious. This movie was an experience, to say the least. Lots to think about after watching it. I'm not sure if my thoughts worked their way out of the pure terrifying experience that is this fim.

I saw the following on airplane videos or on DVD/online: Paul Blart: Mall Cop (WHHHYYYYY?), Inkheart (decent fantasty), and The Soloist (I struggle through it though I admire the effort).

I saw Princess and the Frog yesterday. Disney has a ways to go to get its glory back, but this was a great start.

Movies I missed that I want to see: 500 Days of Summer, Paper Heart, fame, A Serious Man, Where the Wild Things Are, This Is It, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and Avatar.

Again, 2010 goal. Write some screenplays! I'm tired of complaining about movies. I want to make them.

What Are Your 2010 Projects?

2009-12-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

I'm aiming for even more creativity in 2010! Anybody got some projects for the new year?

I'm gonna try and get some more writing out there. The blog, for sure. I'm also interested in rekindling my screenplay and short story writing. Also, I hope to write a few non-fiction projects. One guide to prayer for secularists and one book about my journey of faith in the university setting. May it be so.

Enjoy the run up to the new year, folks!

This Baby Is My Life: A Christmas Talk (Part Two)

2009-12-25T10:51:00.000-08:00

So back to the offer: Christmas is not Christmas without us.

Mary provides a model for us here. She makes herself a servant of the Lord to birth Jesus and to make possible His Kingdom. I’m not saying God wouldn’t have found someone else if Mary had said no. But I’m saying LOOK! God chose someone! A human! To bring Jesus’ Kingdom into this world. Before Jesus had done anything, God wanted to involve all of humankind in this story of God’s Kingdom.

Joseph, the father of Jesus, went through this same thing. An angel visited him and told him about Mary.

“Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son and they shall name him Emmauel, which means God with us.” (Matthew 1:23)

A God who is with us? A God who is on our side. A God who we get to interact with? A God who, in these stories, at least, speaks to us through angels and dreams.

This is related to my concern about Christmas. Jesus can be made a distant figure pretty easily. He is perfect. He is always obedient to God. He can do miracles. So making Jesus a baby can seem pretty alienating. What can this baby do for my life?
Think about how different that question would be for someone like Mary or Joseph, the wisemen or the shepherd.

This baby is my life.

I bore him. I am called to take care of him. We saw his name in the stars and journeyed to find him. We were told of his arrival and came to see for ourselves.

These are stories of people who are involved. These are stories of people who had hope that this little baby could become something much more. They believed in the impossible.

So what is the whisper from God that we have been hearing. Do we have a project of impossibility that would usher in the hope found in baby Jesus? Have we partnered with God in a way that would bring about a Kingdom that will have no end? Are we involved?

Christmas is about Christ and it is about us too. It has to be about both otherwise God wouldn’t have sent Jesus to be the God with us.

Let us get involved in this Christmas mess, this Christmas gift, this Christ who loves us.

Involvement: A Christmas Talk (Part One)

2009-12-24T14:33:00.000-08:00

Last year, I gave a Christmas talk on faith for a Christian fellowship. I posted it here. This year, someone asked me to speak for the Afro-American Cultural Center's Christmas talk. I thought I'd repost a version of it here. Here's part one. Merry Christmas!

There has always been something a bit peculiar about Christmas. Even as a kid, it felt weird that we gathered around a baby. We knew his name: Jesus. But what else do we know at this point?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Maybe it’s from Divinity school or just listening to several Christmas messages over time. Most Christmas sermons are about this simple fact: Christmas is not Christmas without Jesus. Usually, this is a message against consumerism, or a fuzzy non-specific holiday joy, or the busyness we find ourselves in and then we get hit with that scene – a long time ago. A manger with Joseph and Mary, the parents of Jesus. Three wisemen, shepherds, and angels. And baby Jesus in swaddling clothes. This image of Jesus then brings us back to the true reason for the season.

I agree with all of that. Jesus is the reason for the season. And in our society, that is always a helpful reminder. I just have a guess that maybe you’ve heard that too. So today, I want to suggest another fact.

Christmas is not Christmas without us.

Us, the humans gathered in this room. And even all of humanity from Jesus’ birth and before. Christmas is not Christmas without all of us.

On the surface, this might be a weird claim. No, Christmas is about Jesus. Baby Jesus is being called the Messiah, the Savior of the world. It’s obvious this baby is important.

And I guess that’s the question. Why is Jesus important?

There are so many things we might know about Jesus. Jesus is called the Messiah. Jesus is God’s son. Jesus is perfect.
But who has Jesus shown himself to be in our lives. Who do we trust him to be in our lives? I thought we could take a look at someone who didn’t know first – since that’s how the story starts.

26In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. 28The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you." 29Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."
34"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?" 35The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[a] the Son of God. 36Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. 37For nothing is impossible with God." 38"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her. (Luke 1:26-38)

So, Mary knows nothing about Jesus. She didn’t know anything before this angel came and spoke to her. And what does she know afterwards? Well, Jesus is in her womb. I guess that is some personal information. He is the Son of the Most High. Ok, that sounds good too. Give him the throne of his father David? Ok, confusing for Mary. But she might have caught on that this meant this baby will have a Kingdom like the example of David. And this Kingdom will never end. Whoa. Intense stuff.

To be continued...

The Tyranny of Guilt and the Possibility of Sincere Choices

2009-12-22T13:02:00.000-08:00

I recently read an account of a Christian turned atheist. The dude actually was a pastor. One of his reasons for atheism seemed to be that the Christian message promoted guilt. Actually, he might not have realized that. Rather, someone asked him in a blog discussion if that might have been a critical part of his decision to declare resignation from the faith. He agreed.

Some of the "criteria" for a "Christian life" included loving strangers, giving to the poor, fleeing from sexual immorality, worshipping God, and forgiving others. This is all biblical and pretty central stuff. It's not like going to Bingo with the elderly among the church was a thing on his list (though that sounds like a fruitful endeavor!). Does he have a point? How can we, mere humans, ever live up to God's standard?

Again, this question seems to be a trap the Pharisees and Sadducees would set up for Jesus. "Live up to" sounds...lonely. It's like we'd only get to talk to God once we're perfect. Live with God's standard...that sounds like a whole different ball game. Indeed, I think it is.

I think our discussion of choice from a week or two ago helps us here. By the way, Ivy picked up on that note with this insightful post . If you are a God who demonstrates mercy (a compassion that is prone to be demonstrated to the undeserved) and also a God of justice (a zealous passion for what was made good in the beginning), then how would you interact with beings who do not live up to your standards. A just way, I think, would be through recognizing sincere choices, not necessarily concrete results.

A God of justice doesn't seem likely to reward deliberate bad behavior but if the same God was given a glimpse of a doorway for the right choice to be made, then this would be an opportunity for this God to also show compassion.

I think this is very helpful for us, especially in our world of need today. God cares for the poor. Do you?

Instead of feeling guilty that we are not Mother Theresa, I think we have an offer to turn our hearts to the poor through honesty and sincere choices. Will we choose to give to the poor when we see them or think intentionally about a wiser strategy? Are our career trajectories headed towards the masses, not an ivory tower? And are we not trying to trick God with "fakeout" choices, but are we actually handing our lives over to this God of justice and mercy?

Personally, choices are the only reason I have any sort of confidence in my walk with God. Who knows if I'm doing enough for the poor? Who knows if I'm forgiving others as fast as I should be? Who knows if I'm loving enough? I sure don't. Yet, I am confident in my walk with God because I try to regularly make choices that show God "I'm in." Most of these choices are not actions; rather, they are simple prayers. "I choose you today, Jesus. Please use me." I need to show him that I'm up for what he might have for me. I want to give him permission to make my day an adventure or a mystery or a time of rest. I never know exactly what I'm gonna get.*

That's why this cliche sounding thing about a relationship with Jesus stuff actually matters. God as an ethical system works...kinda. But, as humans, we're still gonna think this God sucks when we want to hoard our money for good stuff, love the strangers we like already not the ones we don't, and do whatever we want with our bodies. We have to actually believe God is good for any of this stuff to be enjoyable (and maybe truthfully, for any of this stuff to happen on a regular basis). And I think we should be enjoying God, others, and life.

So...three questions.

If you trust that God is good, what, if anything, is holding you back from the enjoyment of life?
If you don't trust God's goodness, what would God need to do to woo you to that perspective?
Are you someone or do you have friends that you suspect don't follow Jesus for similar reasons as fear of guilt and what do you think about this suggestion of mercy and grace understood through sincere choices, small or large?

*I anticipate (and have) questions. "But what about that poor person? Don't they need something right now?" How can this system of...grace and mercy work?" To me, this is THE question of all time. We'll get to it soon.

Fear and the Church

2009-12-21T19:40:00.000-08:00

I am doing a lot of thinking as of late. It's really challenging stuff.

As of last year (and maybe before that), one of my big faith questions dealt with how to deal with Jesus' interactions with the Pharisees and the Sadducees given that our context almost always involves religious teachers who state belief and agreement with Jesus.

It's easy to make a flat statement about the way Pharisees believed in God as opposed to an exciting, dynamic, in-the-flesh Jesus.

On the other hand, it's a lot harder for me to separate the way one interacts around faith when they might sing the same worship songs I do using the name of the one I desire to be the King of my life. How can we be so different?

Yet, I feel this is a serious issue.

Let's look at three different issues: fear, signs and wonders, and sinners. We'll tackle fear today.

The Bible has a clear ethic surrounding fear. Fear God alone, nothing else. My take on this is that by being real beings (real time actors in the universe) our fear of something activates it as a real force as well. Our act of fear ascribes a personal reality to whatever we fear. This, as we've seen throughout history, can become viral (i.e. fear black people because they are evil). By fearing God alone, we let real beings exist as God made them. This is an existence filled with infinite possibility and bent towards faith, hope, and love.

However, a routine check of many churches will demonstrate that they encourage fear of the other, explicitly or implicitly. Most recently, this has taken the form of Muslims, homosexuals, socialists, and atheists.

So, let's go down the list and offer a worst case scenario from the perspective of those who fear the people in these groups.

M -> there is an Islamic state and folks either convert or are subject to Islamic rule
H -> something like everyone becomes gay or people are persecuted for having views in opposition to "pro-gay" perspectives
S -> government controls the state...one world government
A -> rampant atheism will spread

These are all fears eventually based in the self. A fear that one will have to change against one's will. A fear many share with different elements of Christianity (perhaps, a reason why God seems to allow choice. If we were forced into believing, we'd probably hate God, rebel against God's ways, or end up distorting who God really is....Uh Oh)

If one only feared God, then these selfish fears would have no resonance. And if one believed God is good and actively blesses people, then one would not only be unafraid, but would also be positively involved, in my eyes. In fact, it seems that if someone did find anything disagreeable about our four fear targets, then they would engage these people and ways of thinking, being, feeling, or believing in a creative and charitable way while holding to their concerns, not consumed by their fears.

Wouldn't that change everything?

There's a whole lot of room for discussion here. I'll get to the other two scenarios, signs and wonders and sinners, soon.

Us, The Misfits

2009-12-17T21:46:00.000-08:00

I'm currently doing some marathon studying for 'Transitional Moments in Western Christian History.'

From a study guide section on why Christians were problems to the Roman Empire:

"Problems with Christians:
--Worshiped man (Jesus) who was political criminal, had been put to death by Roman governor (worldly powers that be)
--Always talking about death and end of time. Revelation identifies Rome as Babylon and prophesied its ruin
--Loyalty to the state was doubtful
--Secret rites"

Are we still problems?

Delight

2009-12-14T08:25:00.000-08:00

The lightsaber struck the wall gently, and she laughed quickly. I pulled the blue blade back and then let the furious swings fly. Swoosh. Swoosh. I didn't just stay in place. I ran. I jumped. All across the room. And she watched, smiling. She gave birth to me three years after the Star Wars Saga ended (or so, we thought). I wonder if she ever envisioned this scene. She is my mother. It is a time I remember of her delighting in me. She exuded joy as she watched me. Maybe, it was because I was happy. Maybe, it was because I was healthy. Maybe, it's because I was hers even when doctors told her that possibility was a lie.

Lies. The root of unbelief and the death of faith. She is too unlovable. He is never going to change. They are worth less than us. This God is no good. He does not love us. I am ugly, a failure, too broken for anyone to fix. Lies.

Isn't that how it all started? Maybe, this God was lying to us. Maybe, the apple is better than this garden overrun with security and comfort. Let's take, eat, and let it show us.

Lies are doorways. Delight is an open field. It's the green space we run through or the urban jungle that is our castle. It is the place that stretches before us - that we make home as we journey in its midst.

What can undo the lies? What if we delight in our Creator since it seems creators delight in what they have created? This does not require much effort or even movement. We just settle, we still ourselves, and we rest in the thought, the belief, the knowledge - whatever our stretch lets us reach - that God loves us. We delight in the ways we've seen the power of His resurrected Son help our lives - big or small. We dance or we sing or we draw like someone is watching. Our Creator. A Creator who delights in us. We smile knowing that our Creator remembers what it's like to dance and sing and draw through His Son.

So, Spirit come and be our creativity for small acts of wonder. Spirit come and be our confidence that their is a Loving Creator out there who knows us intimately and who has actually been revealed to us throughout our lives. Spirit come and delight in us as we delight in your activity.
Amen.

Jesus, Elevate Your Loved Ones

2009-12-06T07:56:00.000-08:00

Jesus, elevate your loved ones.
Be with your daughters, sons.
Keep us from the death that awaits
when we take the sin’s bait.

The stones, the stones they dropped that day,
Your love, it found a way.
So, between rocks and a hard place,
You always bring your grace

Give us life, O Lord, and freedom.
Let us draw in the sand.
Creative acts bring Your Kingdom.
The power of Your hand.

There’s no condemnation in you;
The water well’s too deep.
Let us tell the story anew,
God’s love is ours to keep.

Source Text: John 8:1-11

© Joshua Williams 2009

The Struggle and Power of Choice

2009-12-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities" - Albus Dumbledore

I was struck by this quote after reading it a few years back. Are choices more powerful than our abilities, I mused. In the end, I concluded that it had to be that way. We can be blessed with abilities or stumble upon them but choices are products of our character - of who we choose to be in this world.

Unfortunately, choices are the very thing our generation of twentysomethings has not mastered. In fact, our ability to maintain uncomitted enslaves us. How does this play itself out? We constantly value freedom over choices that bring about any sort of limitations. This can be seen in the transient nature of picking songs on iPods to amplify our world constantly or keeping options open for summer internships instead of investing and sacrificially in one project. We also see this play out in friendships. Whose friendship will yield returns? Economic metaphors are everywhere in these decisions.

I've even felt it explode into the scene of faith. Why commit to a certain path when you can choose what to follow yourself? At first, this sounds egalatarian and even freeing. What's more powerful than using our free will to construct and orient a way of life? The only problem is rampant choices breed a lack of discipline. In the lens of faith, we can quickly create a God that looks exactly like us as opposed to a God who loves us, yet convicts us of wrongdoing. A God who challenges us, but transforms us for the better. Through picking some of anything, we become people who follow nothing except our own confused desires.

In the tradition of Christianity, Jesus is someone who tremendously respects choice. "Follow me," he says to the disciples. "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water," he says to a woman at a well. Jesus constantly empowers us to choose but also doesn't wait around for our answer.

Part of my struggle of late has been my decision of choosing community as a way of life. It's one thing to commit to a God who loves you, saves you, and redeems your whole life. This is especially true if you "taste and see" that Jesus' offer is actually working out for you life (something that has little negative consequences for your life at first). It's another to commit to people in service and in love knowing that each act of sincere love draws us deeper and deeper into caring for one another - a process that can be interrupted anytime by sin, betrayal, illness, and death. Honestly, I don't mean to present a bleak picture. It's just the nature of our lives.

Love is celebratory for sure. But choosing to love is always in the context of a broken world under serious threat. I had a moment of remembrance today. It was a memory from sophomore year or junior year of college. I felt alone in my faith among people, but fully with Christ. That independence was freeing, but I think it was somewhat deceptive.

Community is stronger. Its mystery energizes our collective faith. And it releases a different sort of testimony not just of one, but of many. Honestly, it does hurt. But it is the right choice.

God, please help all of our communities to be strong, loving, and to have You at the center. In Jesus' name, Amen.

The Christ Who Never Resigns or Hope

2009-11-30T16:45:00.000-08:00

9:02:35 PM Person: yeah
9:02:41 PM Person: i mean to be honest
9:02:52 PM Person: ive kind of resigned myself to my natural response
9:03:01 PM Person: which would be to suffer for a bit
9:03:15 PM Person: until it either fades in importance or is brought into perspective
9:03:24 PM Person: which i HOPE is likely
9:03:30 PM Me: but is that suffering w/ Christ or w/o?
9:03:40 PM Person: well god is always with me
9:03:57 PM Me: as a theological fact, yes
9:03:58 PM Person: so i suppose suffering w christ
9:04:00 PM Me: as a possibility, yes
9:04:06 PM Person: he's been with me through all tough times
9:04:09 PM Me: but it matters if we feel that
9:04:46 PM Me: it matters if that becomes our power
9:04:58 PM Me: not our "well god's always with me...right?
9:04:59 PM Me: "
9:05:17 PM Person: yeah
9:05:20 PM Person: i guess i feel powerless

Sigh. Isn't this familiar? In elementary school and high school, I had no friends. A combination of racism, distance because of other differences, and general child-like nastiness held me down. I wasn't bold enough to step out and expect other meaning in life with any sort of real hope. I just resigned myself to the situation. Friendship or bust? I was-a-busted. Even though I was a Christian, I did not see any promise for fulfillment except for a deferred hope. "Maybe college," I thought.

How wrong my perspective was even though I count my response normal. It's the same as my friend here who is experiencing unrequited love. It's like we have experiential understanding of a prison through our longing, pain, or hurt and then we build it a house with words, agreement, and eventually a settlement. Things have changed since high school, thankfully. One of those things is my faith. If we take Christ's offer of living water, something that is always filling us to the brim with spiritual verve, then we must question does Christ's offer stop with circumstance, experiential pain, or even our lost hope?

No.

If our human bodies cannot normally repel experiential feelings of suffering, you better believe we can push through pain and suffering with Christ in a way that looks powerful. It might involve all of our faith: other believers supporting us, cherishing memories where we've seen God's activity, retelling promises to humanity through Scripture, going deeper into spirit-filled worship, and blessing others.

Blessing others? Yes. One of the things I'd redo from my youth is less moping about my situation (that I've since become free of with relatively minor scars) and more active blessing of others who might even be unaware of their need. Even amidst our own struggles, the act of blessings we can provide (through prayer, small acts of kindness, a constant presence in the lives of others) is enormous and re-orienting as we see God's power move in us despite circumstantial realities.

Let's push our feet in the mud a bit more. Let's press for God's power even when we're weak. The God who loves to see our need will bless others and, in turn, we will be called blessed.

Cocoon

2009-11-25T07:08:00.000-08:00

The Christian life is a strange one.

It is full of births and deaths.

I am in the midst.

I feel things dying in me, but I also feel things rising.

Transformation is always occurring.

And somehow there is still joy every morning.

Between posts of this and that, there will also be testimony and accounts of this change within me.

Welcome to a new beginning.

The flight continues.

King Neb

2009-09-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

Knock it down.
All that gold.
All that pride.
I want to see your miracles through the fires I create
Make me a different sort of pyromaniac
Take my ambition, my selfishness, my love for idols that don’t talk back
I pray against the furnace I built by myself,
For those sparks not to fly
For that fire not to lick.
Bless Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego
Mystery stood with them in my attempt to burn them.

Mystery, I need you.
I don’t know how to hear from you.
You, the one who spoke so confidently to those three friends.
Help me.
I want to murder, I want riches, I want to be the King of all no matter what they say
But I’m beginning to think you’re jealous not of my wealth or my power or my rule
but simply jealous of me.
Why else would you have sent them? Why else would they be alive – and me with them?
How can you be so confident of your reign, God?
How could you let me destroy your nations and your people? What kind of God are you?
I fear your insanity even as I ponder my own.
My conscious cannot understand so speak to me dark sayings of the night...

Reality

2009-09-21T17:29:00.000-07:00

When we ask God to break our hearts, He will.

Help us be repairer of broken walls, God.

Complete us in our weakness, Jesus.

Fill us, Holy Spirit.

In Christ's name,
Amen.

Imago Dei

2009-09-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

What did my young eyes see?

They say the human face is complicated, many lines and creases for a child to trace the course of life.
Sometimes, I put my fingers on these lines. I ran them down my mother’s cheeks. My father’s brows.

I saw these lines drawn out as well. Pencil, lead, color. Brush, paint, splash. Sometimes, life was present there too. What joy was expressed in wonderful images of heroes and heroines chasing their dreams and unlocking their desires!

These lines take time. The images that make stories take time. A rush of images becomes time.

Time that became lost to symbols. Icons that did not convey meaning; rather, they were signposts for quick exchanges, often involving our wallets. A proclamation of purchase, not of story.

This good here! That good there! But what is good anymore?

Images increased their coercion by selling something not fully understood.

Mystery left these lines.

You need this. You need that. This is what that means. No questions.

No people. No humanity. Just orders. The lines draw us into corners.

False choices. Our imaginations cannot open themselves to the fullness of a blossom or the resurrection of the Springtime.

We have even attempted to draw God.

How has God become always on our side, always forgiving us only for the sins we choose to acknowledge, and speaking personally to us, but somehow not about the needs around the corner?

Twisted truth, but isn’t the real thing supposed to be good news for everyone?

What happens when we let God be big?

The world is righted. The dead become alive. We are never comfortable, but always joyous.

Our image of God is a blank page, and we are expectant of God’s miracles to dazzle us, to dizzy us, to tire us and then fill us with energy – and then for us to realize God has let us hold the pencil. Not by our strength, but God’s. Shall we draw together?

All the Seed Does Is Grow

2009-09-15T06:49:00.000-07:00

God loves
God protects
God empowers

God takes us out of the miry clay and puts us on a rock
But we must have sight.
We need to know where this God might be, what God might be doing?

We don’t think we’re dirty do we?
Because what if this God is all around us…but in us too?
What if miracles are more than tall tales? What if they originate in us?

Did the twelve, the seventy two
The sent out, just lie to Jesus when they returned?

Or were they loved, protected, empowered to do Jesus’ work?
To preach good news to the poor
To proclaim freedom for the prisoners
And recovery of sight for the blind
To release the oppressed
To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

What if it’s all about being reckless and wise?
Knowing this love is something we should protect jealously
Because the question is not will it change the world
But how can we find enough open space, a big enough pot for this mustard seed to grow
Because it is unstoppable.

God, expand our hearts and give that seed a home.

Don't Cry, Someone Is Here to Help Us

2009-08-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

Jesus Raises a Widow's Son

11Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. 12As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. 13When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry."
14Then he went up and touched the coffin, and those carrying it stood still. He said, "Young man, I say to you, get up!" 15The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.

16They were all filled with awe and praised God. "A great prophet has appeared among us," they said. "God has come to help his people." 17This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea[a] and the surrounding country.

This story is quickly becoming one of my favorite scriptures. If one of your life goals is to follow Jesus, I think it's very encouraging. In our society, we usually ask questions of "Is this God's will", "what would Jesus do?", "Do I need to hear an audible voice to go ahead with this good work?" In some ways, those are still helpful questions. However, they take time when asked in the moment. And it's time we usually do not have. In this story, Jesus behaves very differently.

Jesus:

- is moved by a situation where all is not known
- vocalizes that emotion
- follows up his speech with action
- speaks to the problem directly, not God's opinion about the problem
- quietly speaks and performs truths about who he is (human and divine; compassionate and powerful) without religiosity or manipulation

Jesus is a teacher with authority. In this authority, I think there is an everyday preparation. Why am I here? Who sent me? What am I about? What can I do about that? From these mission statement type questions, I think Jesus and his followers can act quickly while still being obedient to God. They know their Father.

And given these passages:

1When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, 2and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. (Luke 9:1-2)

19I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. 20However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." (Luke 10:19-20)

8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:8)

We have the same authority too. Unity in and through the name of Jesus, God's son, connected to us through the Holy Spirit. It's an authority that does not come through theologizing until a conclusion is made. It is an authority that comes from doing what the Father is doing. And if we have trouble with that thought, we can look at what the Father is doing with child-like eyes.

What seems wrong when you're three feet tall? Your parents getting sick, people fighting because of different colors, nations not sharing, people seeming to be caught up in sadness or mood swings. A lot of stuff has a huge "smack fist on table" that-is-wrong quality about it. Then, we get used to it. People tell us this is the way that life is.

No.

Jesus seems to be warming those surrounding him in these passage. Don't cry. I am here. I am help. The boy can live through me. Assurance that love is stronger than death. A memorial can be not just a celebration (at its best, that is), but NEW memories. Life continues.

And the people shout out, full of hope, "God has come to help his people!"

Isn't that worth trying this Jesus authority stuff out? I think it is. Let's do it together.

What Are We Gonna Do About This?

2009-08-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

Being Known

2009-08-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

This trip is almost over. I have been stealing away a lot - to read or to write. Sometimes, I would just take a walk. There is been a company of us on this tour of Southern Africa. Often, I have wondered how am I being loving to these people? Am I just that guy on a bus with his nose in the book? Can I explain that this trip was more of a mission, more of a personal retreat? Or am I just an outsider condemned to misunderstanding?

To be honest, I had to commit to a subdued presense earlier on in Capetown. This is a necessary time for me to process and to grow. It needed to be a time of receiving. I prayed against appearing aloof but, sometimes, we need to make tough choices no matter what others think. Perception alone does not seem to be a Kingdom value. I will be the odd grasshopper in a sky of social butterflies.

Thankfully, there is a graceful God out there. It seems as if a life lived for Him - even a struggling one - produces a known-ness in us.

At dinner last night, people knew me. The words they said about me or my relationship with my dad or their hopes about my future. They connect to my story. They are not simply words I want to hear or general well wishes. They are things God has whispered, my family and friends have spoken, and prophets have made known. I felt echoes from times where I stripped away other voices and sat still with a loving and merciful God. We all have potential to see what He sees. That's what makes this world so confusing but also so amazing. We all can see. We all can hear. God's presence overflows. If we are all made in His image and God promised through Abraham to bless ALL people, then doesn't that make perfect sense?

There is a God who empowers us to experience true things without checking a box first.

And I'd like to say I knew bits and pieces of them. Not necessarily by their relation to faith, but by their relation to this world, to each other, to this land called Africa. It's someone's passion for urban youth education and the frustrations that come from a South Africa that thirsts for more schools while her New York City reality is dropouts who had a path. It's a couple that still holds hands in their sixties and finds birdwatching peaceful and exciting. It's people experiencing a moment of truth in Soweto, site of many uprisings - this was not right and we cannot forget. These are either random things or Someone does not want our story to start just when we open up a book or enter a building.

God is a force in this universe acting regardless of our words and actions. We subscribe to truth claims as a human action of categorization and a supposed demonstration of alignment; He is simply truth.

Truth with a mission. Truth with a vision. Truth that has a past, present, and a future.

This is where we walk into the deep because we are all looking for something - whatever we define as treasure or the good life. We even look at outside situations this way.

What would fix Zimbabwe? Is it us, is it money, is it just Mugabe out of power, is it the uprising of a people?

Or is it a man who made some promises a long time ago? Is it in a sacrificial love that lays down selfish ambition for the possibility of upward momentum for more than just self (and then downward momentum to reach even more)? Is it love - not on a whim, not because it's all we need, not as a last resort, and not because it's the only thing we can agree on - but is it love because there is a Power in a love that is forever? A power that is undoing the work of death and producing life in its wake. A power that does not bless tyranny, but rewards humble servants. Is it that offer being made equal to the jobless, the teachers, the mothers, the hotel worker, the carpenter, and even Mugabe himself?

Revolution.

We say it starts with a choice but maybe it is less of the way we are choosing to see the world and more a choice of who we will let see us. It is allowing that Love to not affect simply a broken country, but a broken self. It involves disassociating ourselves from an identity as Savior and humbling ourselves to be saved.

It is about being known - letting the Seer see us. It is about the fear and trembling of stepping into that space and then meeting two eyes of unyielding fire. The blaze is close, but we are not burned. It is about looking into those eyes - that do not seem to ever look away - and realizing we are loved without measure. It is knowing that in those eyes, enough has been made and enough will be provided.

There is finally rest for the weary and in our dreams, we are made known by this jealous love.

Zimbabwe

2009-08-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

"The biggest problem with Zimbabwe is the mosquitoes." Our tour guide was not telling a joke; he was serious.

Lies. This country is a mess right now. One U.S. dollar = more than a trillion Zimbabwean dollars. People literally flung money at one woman I've traveling with who gave -- two dollars for some souvenir money. She is now a Zimbabwean trillionaire.

It's so crazy the national currency of Zimbabwe is...the U.S. dollar. They are putting it in their ATMs here. The banks are shutdown because of that turnover. Craziness.

On the Zambezi river, we saw sparkling water, Victoria Falls in the distance, hippos, crocodiles, and a beautiful sunset. I also met a man named Razon, freezing in the low 50s weather. It's winter here. He was only wearing a skimpy skinned short and vest getup. He was portraying a Zulu warrior. That is, he was, until he stepped out of character.

"I'm suffering."
I look at him. I start praying.
"I am freezing out here. I don't want to be a warrior. I just am doing this because I need a job for my family. I don't want to be a warrior. We are suffering here."
I asked him about his family and their situation.
At that point, it became hard to hear him. I just knew he wanted my room number for something, told me it was something he couldn't tell his boss, and it's up to me what to decide. It definitely seemed unsafe and unclear, so I ruled against it.

It's weird when the only real thing you have to offer is Jesus. As I was about to tell him about Jesus, he got called upon to dock. It would have been a short conversation about Jesus and prayer. The way He sustains us, provides what we need, and blesses us to bless others. And how I'm gonna commit to doing that for him regardless of his actions or decisions. I'll pray for him tonight. I think I picked up five or six people to pray for from this trip. Katherine, my guide at Home for Hope, two old friends I met up with at Capetown, Jonas from the National park, David from Soweto, and Razon. Now, I've just gotta stay committed and hopefully contact all of them by mail, e-mail or post, soon.

Last full day in Zimbabwe and in Africa tomorrow. It's been an amazing trip, in a lot of ways. 3 countries, 6 or 7 cities, interesting folks around, 6 or so books read, and in the midst of 3 or 4 now. Lot more to report from the past week or so. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm sneezing and feel a bit warm so please pray healing prayers for me. No malaria. No swine flu. Don't want you! No, no, no. Also, just pray for some more energy. I'd love to fly back full of life, health, and Light. Gonna advance to the bedroom for some prayer and scripture. DOB (more on him later) told me to go through Isaiah (more on that later too, haha) so I'm at the first half of that. Might read the Beatitudes once more just cause they're rocking.

Love you all.

South Africa and the Kingdom

2009-08-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

Man, I've got tons of posts sitting on the dock. I wanna go chronologically so some of these might hit the streets a little bit later. I'll break the timeline for now. I'm in Johannesburg, and I visited Soweto today. Intense stuff. God's speaking, and I'm trying to catch what he's saying.

5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. (James 1:5-8)

I love this promise, and I've been putting it to the test. South Africa is a confusing place, and I definitely need God to shed some light on what's happening. Confusion doesn't mean the country is far from God. In fact, I see a lot of Christ's ministry happening in this place. Truth and reconciliation as a way of healing, HIV/AIDS missions, the arts and creativity as a frontier in learning, and the new possibilities that are required when building cities to mark a new page in a nation's history. Besides China, I think it's one of the only countries I've visited that is relatively aware of its own evolution. It's an exciting time. Some similarities too; China reaching awareness as the Beijing Olmpics arrives, South Africa gaining momentum as the World Cup descends on the bottom of the African continent.

Thinking on that scale, I started dwelling on Kingdom countries and the possibility of movements (that would be eventually politicized, not inherently political) starting based on people bringing God's kingdom in this world. Jesus proclaims and demonstrates healings and casting out darkness as individual encounters with people, but he also talks about the year of Jubilee, upside-down social order, peacemaking, and reconciliation. If practiced, these things would rock nations.

It makes me wonder how we integrate the two. It also makes me seriously ponder leadership in any of these movements. Just think if former President Mandela or even Bishop Tutu healed people (maybe they have, I don't know) through prayer in the Spirit. People would be flipping out. There's something about Jesus that's so reassuring: he did not become a political figure in any modern sense. He was aware of political ideology and shrewdly incorporated that into his message, but he was never after political power. He was merely politicized in that way. It really makes me wonder the possibilites political leaders have in Kingdom building.

I definitely get caught up in stories like this, and I wonder how mine will unfold now that I'm more aware of South Africa's narrative. I returned to Jerusalem and Sydney after visiting what I found to be fascinatingly complicated places. I had been thinking of doing something in Africa next summer with friend before this trip, but we were envisioning West not South Africa. Hmm. More wisdom needed.

Zimbabwe tomorrow. Given what's going on with the rest of the country, it's disturbing that because of Victoria Falls so many tourists come through the area. I guess the tourism might be helping in some ways, but Mugabe needs to be confronted. Ironic that we'd visit a formerly boycotted country because of apartheid and then visit Zimbabwe. Currently, 1 dollar equals 30 trillion Zimbabwean dollars. The result: their official currency is the U.S. dollar. Craziness. They're even outfitting their ATMs with dollars now. The average salary is around 60 to 90 dollars a month.

Let Your Kingdom come...

Pride and Humility or A Prickly Bush Sitting on a Field of Treasure

2009-08-15T03:12:00.000-07:00

In the same way someone cannot really self-report humility as his or her greatest strength, I am not sure if we can truly report pride as our greatest weakness. I know I've been tempted to do that. Both acts, are themselves, somewhat internally contradictory. In fact, it seems pride is cemented through action: disobedience. Decisions, choices, even declaratory statements in one's mind that boast without Christ. Pride as a feeling that's rebuked soon after...this seems to be much less a weakness and much more of an attack.

Why am I making such a distinction--perhaps, even an excuse? It is because people seem to misunderstand pride and humility to the point where they cannot serve God fully or even at all while still desiring to do so. I'm convinced that if that's the result of a certain thinking or philosophy, then it's not really a helpful one. I think to myself sometimes, "What am I even proud of?" "What have I accomplished "on my own?" To be clear, that's not putting myself down (another unhelpful "humility theology") it's acknowledging that all of my "great" or "good" actions are inspired, supported, and fueled by God, my family, friends, past actions, prayers of strangers. I'll never know how much of an act was me and that's completely fine! The only thing on me is to commit to people, situations, or actions. I commit to the showing up and the doing. We do cooperate with God to will our bodies to move. Jesus simply had to walk to the Cross; everyone else did the rest. In his walking though, Jesus can boast in the God who ordered him there!

Honestly, how foolish was Satan to think that he could stand against the one who created him, who created this world, who created the people the enemy would come to torment? Then, I realize all of my selfish pride works to fuel this evil force in the world. Get back Accuser in the name of the one with true Power Jesus! To me, pride is knowing that whole story and still choosing to rebel. I wonder how much guilt and shame is in the self-report of pride as opposed to a mourning that recognizes how little we value others, how we can be prone not to worship God's involvement in our lives? If it's the former, I think that might be another form of attack. It starts a cycle of self-loathing when the entire problem is just that, the self! We need to add others into the mix. Most importantly, God! And then, we love them. Love God until we worship Him and love others until we serve them. We rebuke attacks of pride, and we worship and serve in place of feeling guilty or ashamed. It's an active theology based on Jesus' life.

I guess we're looking for a "Jesus quick fix solution" since He appears naturally perfect. Look at everything else though: faith, obedience, love, service, compassion, deep intimacy with the Father, etc. It is about walking with God and becoming pure. Let's not let attacks of condemnation keep us from walking with a God who loves us no matter what. He walks on the narrow path, the humble path. Even if we stumble, we are still choosing to bow down.

Holy Spirit, protect us with the shield of faith. Give us faith to believe in a Father who does not sever ties based on our thoughts or actions - big or small, in our minds. Encourage us to become friends with Jesus, our humble King, and to learn His ways Let us know and feel that this path will give us sight and vision of you, not cloudy vision or a distorted image. God, give us Your power to rebuke and cast out the Enemy just as you shut him out of the heavens with the Victory of Your Son. Living Spirit, keep ministering to us gently. Thank You for giving us vision to recognize sin, pulling us from it, and then reorienting us towards a new path that we can walk down confidently. Lift up our heads to remind us of Your love and then nudge us to look lower still to keep building this upside-down Kingdom. We thank You and praise You, Father.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Hunger, Thirst

2009-08-13T15:48:00.000-07:00

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Matthew 5:6

See my hunger, God. Increase it.
See my thirst, God. Increase it.

The God who multiplies our need, so He can multiply His miracles.

Thank God both our endless.

Holy Spirit, come.

------

Well, we'll see if my dream was symbolic or literal tomorrow. Lions, rhinoceroses, and wildebeests. Aimed for Holy Spirit destruction of the first (David, Samson), confused by the second, dragged down from a wall by the third though I eventually body checked it. Ran to a barn in the end. Get at me with any interpretations. Hopefully, it won't be too late. Half-joke.

Expectant

2009-08-11T03:18:00.001-07:00

http://www.ikhayalethemba.com/

I am visiting the 'Home of Hope' today, a place for youth affected by HIV/AIDS run by some Vineyard folk in Capetown. I thank God for the opportunity to witness such a community of love and healing. I pray God I'll be able to step into that circle today.

Earlier, I visited my third slave lodge/castle in Africa (the first two in Ghana). This one was the lodge prisoners stayed in before heading to Robben Island, made famous by Nelson Mandela's presence there. God, break through our constructions our evil. Destroy our systems to rebuild your own ways of righteousness. My reaction can only be that prayer. Almost everywhere I've gone, I become a witness to the effects (and after effects) of large scale societal evil. Most times, it's changed my academic direction. This time is no different. More on that later.

I'll be attending some prayer meetings later, so pray on those things as well.

Pursuit and Emulation of My Father or Happiness and Joy

2009-08-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

The first day I was in London with my Dad we were on the move. For some reason, my Dad has taken up a hobby of seeing Shakespeare plays wherever they may be. I honestly don't understand it, but we've all got our crazy. And I like Ol' Shakes. This time we were running for 'Romeo and Juliet' to be performed at the Globe Theater along the Thames.

I never know how to react when overtaken by happiness. It just starts to clothe me and then envelope me and then I am bursting with its joy. It's a manifestation of a joy I hope I feel pretty consistently. Early on in life, I chose not to seek happiness; instead, I was encouraged to choose joy. It has stuck with me even though happiness is more available these days. I still think about that commitment with a small amount of longing. What would chasing down happiness look like for me? Yes, this might be semantical but there seems to be importance in the distinction. The choice of joy without happiness enables one to more fully embrace suffering. In turn, it makes happiness somewhat foreign, a rare treat.

And this treat in London was delicious. I relished in following my Dad. He's such a shepherd. He will clearly make a path for me (and others) to follow but will always look back casually. If I ever go left around a pole and he's gone right, he'll make no fuss at first. Then, his left eye will survey his side. He is looking for his flock. If they are unseen, his head will whip like lightning until he's got confirmation of my location. He nods or smiles and then he's back to surveying the field. I love to be led -- by him and by others I trust. I do not walk or follow as much as I dance. I weave to the right to pass a crowd, to the left to avoid a small child. I am smiling all the while. I could be looking for signs for the Globe, but I choose against it. I just want to be free to follow, free to dance. There is freedom in being led by someone you trust.

Sometimes, my Dad would burst into a slight jog. It only took the instrumental version of Billie Jean randomly appearing on my iPod to develop a groove within me. I begin running too. Shoulders bopping, feet hopping. The Thames was the background for my music video. It was strange to so quickly pass my Dad, the man I used to race against. I pass him and become the leader. Our path is simply a straight one now. I dance, run, dance and run, stop, let my Dad catch up. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Then, we found out we were on the wrong side of the river. Thankfully, Millenium Bridge (pictured at the top and bottom) was there to help us out. We see its entry point. I look at my Dad, get silent permission, and then I begin to run. Never stopping, only pivoting, I dance across. My arms open wide, at times. I recognize my crazy appearance and delight in it. I am known over the water. People might be confused but my God understands. There is a time for this. This is it. I recognize my own happiness and joy, and I burst again. This is what is set apart for us. We will run and not grow weary. Water will flow forth like a river of His desires. I pass a homeless man. Guilt does not consume me. I stop for this homeless man. I attempt to share some joy with this homeless man. Then, I run on. As I exit the left ramp, I see my Dad on the right ramp. We are united. Five fingers extend and a connection is made. High five for finding what was lost. The Globe is near. We are not late to Shakespere's tragedy.

Five Men? And the search begins.

2009-08-10T03:09:00.000-07:00

I landed in Capetown, South Africa this morning. After a bit of a rest, we took to the neighborhood. We were greeted by four men who helped end apartheid in South Africa. Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela are 2 and 4 in the lineup. Of course, my Dad asked me to stand next to Nelson Mandela. At this point in life, I know obliging to the photo op is the best route available. Stepping away from Mandela, I got called back by a random man who also wanted to take my picture with Nelson. Ha!

"Are you African?"

I smiled. Without saying no, I answered, "I'm American."

For the record, he was French...and a very excited man.

Light moments like that are needed.

A lot of questions are running through my mind. Most have to deal with the question of worldview, specifically African worldviews and African American ones.

From the beginning of an African presence in America, black people seemed to take to the Gospel. It makes me wonder because black people inserted themselves into the Exodus story and as people known by Jesus as suffering but coming home to Him. Where was the Kingdom? I can surely think of heroic narratives like Sojourner Truth and Frederick Douglass, to name a few, but who caught hold of the Kingdom message and preached it with proclamation and demonstration? I'm concerned that silence on the issue caused black intellectuals like W.E.B. DuBois (among others) to end up disillusioned in Christianity and lost on a spiritual quest for political rights and third world solidarity. I'm a fan of the latter two goals, but I believe Jesus has a good deal to do with those topics. I must be not looking hard enough. I really hope that.

UPDATE: Charles Harrison Mason and Charles Price Jones of Church of God in Christ and the Holiness Movement may give some answers to this question. New research topic.

Late Night Stroll

2009-08-09T09:55:00.001-07:00

I stayed out last night. Trafalgar Square and its beautiful coloured fountains called out to me. The four lions majestically stared to their corners of the world. They have seen a lot. I wonder if they long to crane their necks upwards at night to take a look at the stars. I did that.

I asked God to guide me last night. I asked if He had anything for me to do. I simply wanted to hear His voice and act. I want this heart to be a servant’s heart. I cracked open a book and sat on a bench.

“10 pounds for 5 grams! No. Listen! 5 grams.”

A drug deal was being arranged right next to me. The same bench. I prayed and nothing became clearer. Five chapters into the book and drug dealers gone, I decided to walk around London’s version of Time Square.

I was listening for a still small voice or a thunder clash. I did not really hear either. Yet, I saw His people. I saw His people spill across the street, packed into McDonalds, yelling and dancing and being foul-mouthed and almost falling. I felt led to love them. Love without judging, but also without desiring a glitzy London night out. I was set apart through choices, not “goodness.”

The spectrum of color was awe-inspiring. Of course, the billboards and the lights shone every color of the rainbow. The people, though, radiated pinks, olives, browns, and blacks. Traditional African clothes on one family, scarves adorned in another, zoot suits on young men of any color. Everyone is so stylish here. His people were on the move but where were they going? And where was I going? We were just walking together, I guess. One big group.

There were some tears, yells abounded, kisses were more displayed than stolen, and there was that vomit I sidestepped. As I tried to discern His voice, I think I just heard my own thinking – though it did sound like something like He might think.

“They are my people, and I love them. You try to find my face with the poor, and I am there (I had just read ‘Always Enough’ by Heidi and Rolland Baker). I am here too. Are these people rich? These are my people. Love them.”

I pondered that. I don’t know where I am called to in this world. I would love for God to fill me with His compassion and strength in order to sustain a life lived amidst the poor in the West or elsewhere. The poor seems like such a direct call with their obvious hunger and desire for transformation.

Yet, the Shepherd is jealous for His sheep and He’s not going to stop under the bridges of London. He will march towards Trafalgar Square. He will be present in a McDonalds overflowing with people hungry after tireless dancing. He desires to be their rest and to laugh with them. God, how we must sadden and taunt you not just with our sin, but with our distance. I guess it’s a similar thing.

God, complete the work you are doing in me. I don’t really know what you spoke last night. I don’t know if I missed it entirely or if you just wanted to expand my heart for Your people and Your kingdom through witnessing what Your eyes see all the time. I hope my eyes were opened to more of Your reality.

Maybe it was simply my shirt, I thought, on the way back. I noticed many people did a double take at its black background and white, blue, yellow, green, and pink colors. ALIVE: WAKE UP, YOU’RE ALIVE, WE’RE ON YOUR SIDE.

God, help me remember that.

You are on our side.

I hope and pray I am on yours.

Amen.

A Trip, Not a Vacation from the Flight

2009-08-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

I'm traveling again.

I landlocked myself last summer because I felt like leaving the states would be escape for me. It would not be about growth; instead, it would intentionally dizzy myself. I needed to be steady. It was a great decision. I grew my roots. These roots were tied to my God, my story, my city, and my friends.

Since then, I've rarely left. Three or four times, I think. Things have changed, and I'm ready to fly again. I'm on a mission in this life that will not be deterred through tourist traps or appetizing attractions.

My vision for this journey is one of personal growth and casting vision. I have big dreams and it'll be great for me to sit with them and to see which ones are from God, which ones need his input, and which ones just need to be forgotten. I hope there are more of the first two types.

Let the Flight continue.

Reality

2009-08-03T06:45:00.001-07:00

I'm always falling, but so far I'm always getting up.

Desire

2009-07-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

I want the clothes of Christ.

Clothe me, Holy Spirit.

Let me shine, so I can go into places of darkness.

I want to shine the light so people can see Your glory wherever they are.

Let us realize the light is within.

A Truth

2009-07-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

Christianity is not about saying no to lies.

Christianity is about destroying lies.

Bold Speech: Why Our Love Must Be Active and Vocal

2009-06-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

It is morning. I am sitting here juggling texts. One is 'Flirting with Monasticism.' Another, an article about a white family raising interracial kids. I followed a link from there to another article by the same author detailing the journey of grief and recovery from her son's suicide. Lastly, I visited the website of To Write Love on Her Arms and read a blog post. (This post will make more sense if you visit some of these links.)

I picked up 'Monasticism' because I am interested in growing closer with God through prayer. I thought it was about the integration of monastic practices in one's life. Instead, it is the true story of a woman learning more about these communities through God's leading and her crush on someone preparing to be part of the Dominican order. Yea, so not what I thought. At all. And yes, I'm still reading.

My thoughts are far from that text though. I'm thinking of Gabriel, the one not with us. I am thinking of a half-white, half-Tanzanian child that a woman kept after the deception of a relationship became clear. He was born as a survivor. We all are, I guess. I am thinking of his name, wondering what messages his life had for all of us. I guess it carries a message now too. It does.

However, it is not alive. He is not alive. He is dead. And why?

We'll never truly know, but we can wonder. Maybe the answer is between the articles, the long silence that cries out. Unfortunately, death and race are not separate endeavors. Racism - not the physical difference between skin colors but a lived reality of difference felt in our psyche - played a part. That Christian college Gabriel attended did not speak fully in the language of God. Their love and their justice did not stretch to the different colors, the different stories. There was not explanation, just silence. Just a continuation of a "No." And for what? What was the threat of a black man speaking of racial systemic injustice? Can we really play games where one rejects a feeling of guilt only to keep another in a maddening isolation. "Am I the only one who cares?" A chasm is widening.

Hasn't Jesus taught us that we can now touch the Truth? Guilt is not a viable excuse anymore. The Truth does not shame us; instead, it sets us free. The Truth ministers to us as we try to obtain more of it. The Truth is Love.

Both must be bold. How I desire to be Gabriel's friend, to have been involved in his life somehow. I want so badly to gather a community of love talkers and doers around him. I do not doubt there was love in his life. His mother's writing shows that clearly. But us humans are stiff-necked people. We are prone to forgetting. We do not even recognize God's love for us. Why would a human attempt to share love knowing how often God is rejected?

Because we are called to do what Jesus is doing! I believe Jesus shouts out his love for us every second of the day. Jesus is a fool. A fool for His God, the one who created us. A fool for us, the ones he died for at the cross. And if my Savior died, then the least I can do is shout the Truth because I know as much as I want to befriend Gabriel, there are others. My sin is blinding me from them and, worse and unfortunately true, my sin keeps me from giving, sharing, and loving the ones I see even now. The wages of sin is death. In that grisly truth is one who did more than cheat death, he defeated it. Christ champions resurrection that we can all obtain through him. This foolish champion is our best hope for a live worth living.

This is a post for Gabriel, another one of the dead who should not be in the grave.
This is a post for his family, a small attempt to right one of the world's long list of wrongs through a sprinkling of truth.
This is a post for me, as a reminder to love at all times. Bold and bright, drawing on the ways God has healed and saved me.
This is a post for God. May You consider these words a pray of resurrection for the renewal of Your Truth in all of us.
This is a post for you. Be a witness to the Truth and do not let the whispers of goodness you often hear become things you do not do. Act. Pray. Act again.

13 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16 As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. (James 4:13-17)

Life is present. Life is now. Love those who are in front of you. Someone needs it. Trust.

Give us boldness, Jesus.

Maybe this is part of the problem.

2009-06-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that David Carradine's death (R.I.P.) is the front page story, not Obama's speech to "the Muslim world."

More blogs to come. Definitely a post on the latter.

About Me...or Him

2009-05-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

If Jesus had a facebook (and that might be a big if), then I think we would be surprised by who he puts in his profile pictures.

Our Savior...with them?!?!

Yup.

Just how he rolls.

P.S. Love's still winning.

Not In The Thunder

2009-05-08T14:52:00.000-07:00

I wrote this for my girlfriend's CD release concert. It explains 1 Kings 19:1-18, a section about the life of Elijah. The title of this post is the title of her track about the story.

"Elijah"

What if God were close?
What if God were intimate?
What if God were real?

What if these questions were not answered by a white cloud or lightning bolts or a long white beard?

What if God were more familiar, a still small voice?

The voice that says yes or no
The voice that says that’s not right or the voice that says this rings true
The voice that that says you are loved, the voice that gives you hope to carry on
A voice that can be hard to hear, confused by others, silenced by ourselves.

A voice that fights on, continuing to draw near to us,
A presence that will never leave

What if God could be heard in the beauty of our voices as well as the silent moments, the gaps?
The spaces that need to be filled.

Where should I look?

The sky, the wind, the trees, demonstrations of a mighty creation?

I could, but what of the sky and its temperamental black and blues, purple, oranges, and pinks, spotted by white masses? And the wind and its howling, whispers, and its stillness? And those trees – dead, alive, and dead again? Are they still growing?

What about me? Can I house something? Can I hear something?

Can parts of me be genuine? If only the ones affected by deep truths, the chills that run through me?

Yes.
Yes, I will listen.
Yes, I will recognize.
Yes, I will choose.
You are a God who still speaks.

© 2009 Josh W

The End of Five Months of Silence

2009-05-07T00:10:00.000-07:00

This school year is almost over.

Life keeps getting better.

I'm walking closer with Jesus than ever before. I'm feeling more of my brokenness and failures, yet I am also experiencing the sweet resurrection power of our Savior and this communal effort, the salvation of our souls.

I've learned so much this year. God has poured into me. Even though I believed, I did not know any of this was possible. I didn't know His news was this Good. So I'm a believer, again and again. I'll keep saying, "Yes." Because this is the truest I've ever felt, the most joyous I've ever been. My sorrow is so different now, always lined with grace. This eager anticipation, this groaning in anticipation of Kingdom things provides its own sort of relief. It's coming.

And I'm back, here to stay. There might be a brief interruption as I finish writing papers this year, but I know God wants me to write. It's not an obligation. It's not a chore. It's a gift and a way I can express my love for the One who has shown me so much of His.

Excited for this journey.

Discern, Ask, Seek, Knock, Plant, Stand, Build

2009-01-13T07:36:00.000-08:00

6"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

I don't really understand this verse except to say Jesus is merciful. How are we not dogs and pigs to him? Yet, Jesus presented Himself: more precious than a pearl. A presentation that was gruesome and made His Father go through so much anguish: to see His own wrath for sin be poured out on His Son, the only way we could live freely. I guess maybe it goes to show more mercies from Jesus. If people aren't listening or insulting you, then give that pearl to your wife, to your friend, not to the one who takes advantage of you or speaks lies against you. It makes me think who are the dogs and pigs in my life. Yeah, people might rise to the top of the list. However, I love them despite how vile they can be, how much they hate me because of Jesus. I'm not really sure about this one. I just asked God for discernment because this was a prayer request over break. By accepting Jesus as my Savior, I accepted a call to die to my sins and my selfish ambition. But I didn't necessarily accept a call of servitude of the flesh for those abusing the Gospel via me presenting it. I think this verse is an encouragement for people stuck in that. We love and pray for others, but we are not bound to those who only respond sinfully angrily to our message of His love. God will be at work in their hearts. And we will join Him when he calls us and when they're ready. Also, some more verses kinda popped into my mind now. 4You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?[a] 6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."[b] 7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (James 4:4-8). God, I guess does this too, especially since we know the reality of Christ and our spirit "jealously longs" to exist as something better, in someone Holy. Jesus is mercifully present is us when we reveal our brokenness, the ways we need healing, when display our contrite hearts. We don't have to be perfect then (that will only come in Heaven) but we have to be "on our way" to Him. I wonder how many times people have tried to take a leap of faith but talked down to God or saw Him as an equal or just eventually cursed Him. Why would He respond to that when His response was already His own death for those sins? And is part of the reason, not Christ's own pickiness, but the form of idolatry those men and women commit. A god lower than a human or a human seeing him or herself in the same stature as God (something Jesus didn't even do though he was!) is false worship and Christ cannot even be recognized. Maybe that's the meaning of a verse...if a pearl won't be recognized as a pearl, then stop giving them because, in a way, it ceases to be a gift, it ceases to be beautiful to a person because of their blindness. If people are complaining or disgusted by sacred gifts, don't offer them anymore. That person has made the sacred profane in his or her own mind. Wait and...

Ask, Seek, Knock
7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

This time of prayer was great. Asking, seeking, and knocking through several requests. I love it because it's about God's faithfulness to us and an invitation for us to be faithful to Him. And the line about: What? You think I'll give you a stone? Let me show you my wonder and my power. Amazing. I think it's why we should pray for the requests of our friends. No matter what their background. And pray with them, if they're willing. God wants to show us His power in order to demonstrate His love and what life could be like with Him. No conditions. Those have been set at creation and on the Cross. Just acts of invitational mercy.

The Narrow and Wide Gates
13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

The statements of "few" always make me sad. "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few." I hope it's a human history thing and that we can see many people entering the narrow gate in our lifetime and in our age.

A Tree and Its Fruit
15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'

We cannot just watch a person and idolize him or her, but we need to see what they're bearing: earthly treasures or heavenly treasures? And are they rotting others through their fruit? We can't just call ourselves Christians. We must bear the fruit of Christ. We must follow Him to His vineyards so he can teach us how to be planters of divine seeds. And as much as it ruffles feathers to say this, this passage speaks to the hedging we try to do as a society. We worship the Kanye types: "I wanted to do good and I almost did...then I saw her and the fancy car and the diamond...and then I did wrong all again. Guess it doesn't matter in the end " (I have a flow to that, btw) We praise them for their complicated stories and moral courage...but they're dead in sin. They just showed a scar from the battle, which they lost. And proudly so. Just doesn't seem like courage to me. These are false prophets. And I hope I am not among them. I must be dependent on God and worship Him because my strength comes from the perfection I find in Him not just the work I do with Him. I must take time and learn to love worship and prayer. This will keep me humble, connected, and bound to the Truth. Christ always praised the Father in an effort of humility and right relationship. I must always praise Christ, my Father, and the Spirit. Otherwise, I might unduly become the hero. And I should not want that. I'm learning not to want that.

The Wise and Foolish Builders

24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

28When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, 29because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.

I pray that my house is built on the rock of Christ. I think they're like the rocks in Ghana. Wind beating, waves roaring, spray foaming and blinding; yet they squatted down low and took the hits of waves with their jagged edges then invited the water to baptize them as they become soaked, but not drowned. They always surfaced, they never budged, and they always held my weight as I prayed on them looking out on to the Atlantic, the Ocean that is as much a home to me as I'll ever know. And despite death, despite pain, despite heartache, despite a brutalizing form of bondage, I knew God was good because His foundation was still there and it opened possibility for me. And it still does. And he allows us to stand on it even amidst a storm.

And Peter answered Him,
"Lord, if it is you,
bid me come to you
on the water."
29 He said,
"Come."

I pray this in your Son's name, Jesus Christ,
Amen.

Seek First His Kingdom

2009-01-13T01:28:00.000-08:00

Matthew 6:19-34

Treasures in Heaven

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

Do Not Worry

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Oh God, I will not worry. Instead, I will seek Your kingdom. For what should I want that will not be found there? What would I worry about that You cannot provide? Why would I look in other places for the Stuff of You? Forgive me for the times that I have. Let me forgive others for abandoning me when I need Your ambassadors surrounding me. Lord, ease my sadness. I know You cry with me. You are a God who wipes away my tears. God, thank You for Nature. 2,000 after You came to this Earth Your words still resonant when I see trees alive in this frost. They are living despite their outer conditions. And Spring is coming! Break it through my bones, God. Let me feel it. Do not let me grow tired. Let me desire what you desire. Let me listen and obey to true things and let me discard what is false. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear and the discernment to understand what You are doing. God thank You for making us Your great lilies, beings wandering life waiting to be known, waiting to be loved. Yet, You see us. You take joy in us. You are a God slow to anger, a lover of Mercy. Lord, let us know the wait is over. You have provided the birth, the new growth, that washed away our inequities. Now, we can grow in You. I desire to grow in You, Lord. Teach me Your ways. Free me from my sins and my addictions. Let me live a life of doing what the Father is doing.

Lord, let it be that my eyes would be floodlights of Your Truth and Your Love. Grant me sight to see others the way You meant them to be seen: through loving eyes that are aware of their plights and eager to rescue them. Let our eyes draw them in just as Your loving stare pierced us with Truth from You. Do not let me be in the darkness, Father. Do not let be contaminated by sin and evil because it makes me fall and becomes a stumbling block to my friends. I thank You for freeing me from the Law so that I may follow a living Judge who proclaims his righteousness humbly, as a servant. Make this servant's heart be my treasure. Let me grow closer to its beat by acts of humility: silences so that I may listen and hear, not finding my identity in my work but the ones who made it possible by preparing the way before me, letting other people name me a characteristic of You instead of flying that banner myself. Let me have a simple life. Not that it will refuse to tackle complexities; instead, Your double edged sword will pierce through lies in order to separate what seems complicated to a simple truth: is this act loving You or not? Am I obeying You or not? Yes, Lord, yes. Let me love in obedience.

Let me have a right relationship to obedience. Let me see it as freeing. I ask, Jesus, that You give me a heart to fill my storehouses with the treasure of discipline so that I might follow Your will. Grant this freedom to me, O Lord.

Lord, You are not a moth and You are not rust. You do not destroy as they destroy. You do not corrupt as they corrupt. You complete. You fulfill. You replenish. You make whole. You do works of creation and healing. You are my King and my Savior. You want to preserve me, to make me Salt and Light, substances that last beyond my earthly frame. Step into this body You've encased my soul in and guide me, through Your Spirit and Your Word. Let this be an offering of praise, an act of worship.

Lord, you alone are my Master. Let me serve only You.

In Your Strength, not my own,
Joshua

WISDOM BLARING IN THE STREETS!

2008-12-30T22:04:00.000-08:00

7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools [a] despise wisdom and discipline. (Proverbs 1:7)

Warning Against Rejecting Wisdom
20 Wisdom calls aloud in the street, she raises her voice in the public squares; 21 at the head of the noisy streets [a] she cries out, in the gateways of the city she makes her speech:
22 "How long will you simple ones [b] love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?
23 If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you.
24 But since you rejected me when I called and no one gave heed when I stretched out my hand,
25 since you ignored all my advice and would not accept my rebuke,
26 I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you-
27 when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you.
28 "Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me.
29 Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the LORD,
30 since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke,
31 they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.
32 For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; (Proverbs 1:20-32)

17 Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach,
18 for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready on your lips.
19 So that your trust may be in the LORD, I teach you today, even you. (Proverbs 22:17-19)

"It is becoming clearer every day that the most urgent problem besetting our Church is this: How can we live the Christian life in the modern world?" - Dietrich Bonhoffer

Blind spots. Those places where we can't see. They exist as we drive, but they also exist in how we live our lives.

Are we simply blind to something God is trying to show us? Or are we knowingly unable to decipher something we're trying to visualize? I wanted to prepare for the first question and try to receive some sight for the second, so I decided to read Proverbs. The Book of James says, "wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere (James 3:17) This sounds like pretty amazing stuff and I knew Proverbs had a lot of good sayings that promote wisdom, something I think the Holy Spirit provides us with if we learn how to discipline our ears and our eyes. ("Let those who have eyes see and those who have ears hear")

Part of this desire was one of wanting to listen to others and to find instruction through that process. In one of my classes this semester, a professor had a reputation for listening to others. He is not usually a professor, so he approached the course with a great deal of humility and generally seemed like he wanted to hear us. Now, I don't know if or how our voices changed his behavior. And I don't know how much his Christian faith shapes his world, yet there was a lot of favor curried in our class from his ability (and his reputation) to listen. It came to be something I pondered over. With our commands from God and our role as Salt and Light to a broken world, what is our role as true listeners? Is there a place for it in a world that so desperately needs to see wisdom on the street and listen to her? Is this simply a discernment issue? We listen to our sad friend who needs advice instead of simply telling him or her the underlying cause of that sadness and we speak truth to the oppressor without listening before our proclamation. Listen or speak. Is that always our choice? And could we gain favor (that will create soft and open hearts) from listening to others even when we believe we know what they need to hear or is that simply wasted time and a human strategy that will never be as convicting as a bold declaration of the Truth?

I guess part of my eventual "working answer" came from the first question of what do we do when we're simply blind as opposed to trying to decipher something in front of us. What I mean by this is when we encounter situations that reveal our blindness: "I always wanted to talk to you about Christ, so it's a shame you're waiting to the last day of this program." "You always hurt me when you said this phrase. I just thought you'd eventually realize it because of my silence." Etc. I think being aware of these unspoken feelings requires a peculiar sort of listening. We must listen to others as children of God, able to communicate words or messages that come from Him and listen to God's voice as we are speaking with people. It doesn't mean that we're only using what someone literally says; instead, we're listening to silences, bits of stories that are never fully expressed, body language, and, most importantly, the Holy Spirit in us. And offering all of that up to God in order to get some sort of response and confirmation. I think this peculiar listening enables us to either continue listening or to decide that it is time to start speaking. It also cautions us against assumptions though they are sometimes necessary. In addition, this peculiar listening to others instructs and encourages us through their words because God is behind it all.

Most of all, I think both James and Proverbs tell us not to be selective with our listening. We cannot only listen to rulers or favored friends and not physical laborers or our enemies. Rich discoveries are to be found in them all. I think God has messages for us in those "beatitude" folk because they are blessed by God. I think the sick and the elderly enjoy and are encouraged by our visits. They are provided with spiritual sustenance and an opportunity for hope. However, I think we grasp so much wisdom from them that is pouring out of their life experience. There is so much to see and to hear in those spaces.

The Bonhoffer quote (I'm reading 'The Cost of Discipleship' this break), to me, represents the gravity of our need for wisdom that comes from Christ. I think there's a lot of human wisdom being trafficked right now as worldviews and philosophies that direct the lives of others given the fragility of this world. I think most questions about faith come from these paradigms of human wisdom. We need to live the life Christ is calling each of us to do in the 21st century so the Church is still relevant in all of our lives. Is there a question we're struggling w/ ourselves? Are there other questions we hope others won't ask us? We need to speak those questions out to the Body in faith and trust that God will give us some sort of answer or response. Then, individually and collectively, let the Holy Spirit pour out its wisdom onto us. Anything less and we're deciding to be blind willingly when we know we worship someone who restores sight. It's just not worth it.

There's a confidence we can have in this peculiar listening since we're listening to our God who desires to speak with us and to call us into a greater awareness of Him, His love, and the ways that love will require obedience. And I honestly think those around us will notice. "She doesn't just decide herself, she's listening to Someone higher." "He is slow to speak and frequently e-mails insightful thoughts for after we talk". "She sees me in a world that passes me by." I think we can become Godly listeners without abandoning our role as truthtellers, and I have a hunch that that type of humility and quiet confidence (of Christ at work, always) will be a refreshing Church presence in a world that's used to us abandoning our connection to Christ only to "lower ourselves" and battle human wisdom with human wisdom (even if our side sounds more religious). It is time for Christ to break that cycle that attempts to destroy the Church's witness ,and it's time for us to ask Him how to do that in our lives and in our communities. Let's meet Wisdom in the street, take her hand, and offer her a home in our hearts.

Have a happy and safe New Year's everybody,
Joshua

Have Faith, Christmas Is Near!

2008-12-20T03:39:00.000-08:00

Rudolph, Frosty, Jack Frost, The Grinch, Elves, and Santa Claus.

Angels. Shepherds. The Three Wise men. Mary. Joseph. Baby Jesus.

These are the traditional players in this season of Christmas. I’ve always found one lineup more appealing than the others. I was never a fan of Santa.

But even liking the Christmas story did not make me understand it more. I think the thought most of my life was since we all celebrate our own birthdays then of course we are going to celebrate Jesus’ birthday. And it deserves to be a big party. When looking for meaning in the celebration though, I got a bit lost. We seemed to be thankful for Jesus…but because of what happened later during his ministry and the Easter story.

So, I pondered Christmas for a little bit. What does it mean?

For awhile, I found the meaning in others’ celebration of it. It became the time where everyone was more like us, when the weekly Christians met the holiday Christians and visions of one God and one Body danced through our heads.

It was a time when charity and love of neighbor was the norm, and the hearts of Christians and non-Christians alike burned when seeing their fellow man or woman out of luck. As long as the Christmas lights were on, we were game for these Christmas mini-miracles.

Suddenly, December started to seem like too much of a good thing. It started to seem like a window of opportunity instead of a springboard for an amazing flight into the new year. It was characterized by some sort of desperation or a seasonal sigh that “finally, music celebrating Christ will be on the radio. Finally, we might have compassion for fellow humans. And finally, I might feel some rest for my weary soul on this Earth of ours.” Christmas became a seasonal retreat instead of a yearly advance.

This started my Christmas blues. For me, I saw a Christian responsibility to the Cross. The birth of Christ, of course, remained a precious story to me. However, I felt a bit uncomfortable with a baby wrapped in swaddling clothing being called cute when He should be called powerful and almighty. Were we avoiding something when looking at the Nativity?

I think I found my way back to the manger from the Cross. When I read Jesus’ words at the Garden of Gethsemane I actually understood more about Christmas.

34"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," [Jesus] said to them. "Stay here and keep watch." 35Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36"Abba,[a] Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:34-36)

This private moment of Jesus displays his human vulnerability, yet also testifies to His divine strength and humble submission to have faith in His Father even in the hardest of times. It came down to faith, trust in God’s victory and faithfulness to His amazing promises.

Then, I saw something beautiful. And perhaps, this is the real Christmas miracle: Jesus is called a Savior from birth because God had faith in Jesus’ ability to save us. He had faith that Jesus would take the cup offered to Him and that His death would be a pathway for our life. Prophecy wasn’t meant to simply be a way to advance the Biblical plot. It became a way that people came to know that being mighty to save is part of God’s character. That’s why the people we usually see huddled around the manger were eager to hear and willing to follow.

The Magi had been pursuing the good news of the Savior. Looking at prophecy and looking at the star of Bethlehem just to see this new thing God is doing.
The shepherds are eager to hear good news from angels and are excited to go see what God has told them.

Joseph obeyed an Angel telling him about Mary. And continued to obey the word of the Lord when the calm of the nativity scene swelled into a thrilling escape to Egypt to avoid the megalomania of King Herod.

Mary sings a joyful song to Elizabeth rejoicing over how God has glorified her and how He glorifies those faithful to Him, especially those the world usually writes off.
And Jesus comes to this world. And has the faith to save us all.

The Christmas story is all about faith.

So where do we fit in?

We have to ask ourselves about the new things God is doing in our lives and the lives of those around us. Are we taking the time to celebrate them with friends and family as Elizabeth and Mary did? Are we obeying these new messages like Joseph did? Are we chasing God-given inspiration and visions down in the face of opposing rulers and long journeys like the Magi? And are we being encouraged no matter where we’re receiving this good news like the Shepherds who praised God in fields of sheep?

And, to think, this was just about the seed God was planting in the baby Jesus.
We have the whole story at our fingertips. The beginning, the middle, and the end. And all we need is faith in Christ to bring us salvation and to put us on the road we were always meant to be on, to glorify God and to advance Christ’s kingdom on this Earth.

The work of Christmas is the work of faith.

Faith to follow the one who taught us how to live humbly with God and how to boldly love our neighbors.

This lasts much past December, but it is still rooted in the Christmas moment. God’s decision to send down His son and to surround him early on with humans who had faith in God and believed in the possibility of His son’s ministry on this Earth to change the world. It offers all of us a chance for redemption and flourishing through the way of Jesus.

This good news is not seasonal and it will never grow old. We look outside our frosty windows today and we see a world in need. A world that has been crying out for answers and for action. A world that seems to be falling apart. A world that for many is simply in freefall.

Thankfully, the Christmas miracle is real.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)
And the Christmas miracle calls us to have Faith and to believe in that power.
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

I’ll close with a poem by Howard Thurman, a 20th century theologian reflecting on the work of Christmas.

"When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and princes are home,
When the shepards are back with their flocks,
Then the work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost, to heal the broken,
To feed the hungry, to release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations, to bring peace among brothers, and
To make music in the heart."

Putting Myself on a Blank Page

2008-08-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't know, I'm entering Yale's Divinity School in a week or two. I plan to get a three year M.Div degree with a concentration in Theology and Ethics, Theopraxis. The dream is to be a writer and church laborer who is invested in a New Haven org at the conclusion of YDS. The prayerful post-YDS consideration is whether I should get a JD to do human rights and civil rights law, something I grow more passionate about each and every day. Rewinding back to the present, I had to write a student bio for a yearbook and a few essays for a course taught by Miroslav Volf and Former Prime Minister Tony Blair called "Faith and Globalization." Thought I'd share them with you. My on paper presentations of myself are a bit quirky and non-traditional so be prepared.

First, the bio:

I am excited to continue the journey of my twenty two year old life at Yale Divinity School and in the New Haven area. I have been encouraged and challenged by the time I've already spent in this city of dramatically engineered opposites. It is a tension I have felt most of my life as a black kid living in Iowa, a dreamer living in reality, and a soul contained in a body. Thankfully, I am aware of the process of reconciliation that is found in Christ. I am trying to follow that path to freedom every day.

Then, the description of the course.

This course will explore a set of issues concerning the public roles of religious faiths in the context of globalization. Students will explore (1) the nature, extent, and causes of the global resurgence of religious faiths;(2) cases from various spheres of life in which faiths serve as oppressive or violent forces and cases in which faiths contribute to human flourishing; and (3) the conditions under which robust religious allegiances can constructively be employed in the pluralistic environments of an increasingly interconnected world. By the end of the course, students will be able to express how faith traditions and globalization may influence each other and why understanding this mutual process is important in the twenty-first century.

In 200 words or less, describe your qualifications to participate in this course.

To the Jew, I became a Jew. To the weak, I became weak. If they are with the Law, then I will be with the Law. If without, then I am without. Paul of Tarsus set a fascinating model for cross cultural interactions and evangelism. Effectively demonstrating solidarity with differing communities, Paul was able to reveal Christ not as foreigner; instead, Paul presented him as a relevant Savior to any and every group. I’ve often looked up from my Bible only to find myself dizzy at how different the church seems today. We are mired in our differences and have effectively selected isolation as our solution. As an African American who grew up in the 97% white state of Iowa, I have been a lifetime student of these differences and of the vast similarities that present an escape for us all. This “real life academia” has equipped me with a desire never to make my scholarship something that exists in a vacuum. As I realized how much of a stretch it was for some to call me neighbor, I began to push my own definition to navigate a reverse middle passage and fling myself out of American notions to see a world of neighbors in need either from their humble cries or their proud shouts of dominance. As the world spins, I still myself. Jesus, make me relevant to a world you have saved. My eagerness and passion to listen to His answer is my best qualification for this course.

In 300 words or less, describe how participating in this course would promote your intellectual and vocational goals.

I’ve often imagined a simpler world. Sometimes, a village. In it, I would finally be able to do what I daydream: love as I would want to be loved. Naively though, I erase that path, the one out of the village where no has ventured before. As soon as I became a member of the village, I would itch to explore that path. It’s part of who I am: an adventurer. Maybe seeing the world via 24/7 news channel and a web that covers the world is better. Everyone is my neighbor now. Jesus’ commands to my life would not change no matter the century, but my ethical response to my overwhelming ability to make a difference must change.

Thus, I need knowledge and guidance. This world is breaking, and I have given up on independent actions to salvage what I can see. Instead, I’ve ceased striving and I am learning to be directed by what I believe. In that same spirit, I seek to be directed by Professor Blair and Professor Volf to consider a deeper understanding of faith in this world as something that is publicly growing, a burgeoning second sight in a world whose gaze is often transfixed on the horrifying.

Most importantly, I want to continue to expand my reach to the areas beyond the trans-Atlantic coasts I studied heavily in college given my interest in slavery. From my time as a researcher in Australia, I realize that we must engage the East outside of a Western imagination of the world, something Australia has failed to do until very recently. We must build relationships without fear of ignorance while positioning ourselves as learners of culture and tradition. Similarly, I am eager to become a better student at interfaith dialogue and efforts that do not erase distinctions and religious truths but instead find common ground to mutually labor for shared goals. By accomplishing these things, I will hopefully leave your class confident in a world outlook of a global village that will increase the impact of my scholarship and my pastoring.

We'll see if I get into the class. Pray for God's will to be done.

Creator of the Universe, Hand Holder of the Godly

2008-08-18T05:19:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 10:13 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.

2 Corinthians 12: 9 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Psalm 37:23-24
The LORD directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will never fail,
for the LORD holds them by the hand.

I was talking to someone yesterday about how "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Nothing bad had happened, really. I was more talking about the awesome confidence we can gain from that. When we've got God, we have more than enough. I told him I was badly paraphrasing and that I'd look up the verse when I got home. I did. Google, however, had some other plans for me. Instead of just popping the verse(1 Corinth 10: 13) up, Google found a few sites that were talking about that phrase as a cliche and not necessarily Biblical. Once I read the verse, I realized where they were coming from. The sites mainly stressed the language of temptation rather than trial (though other translations use trial and some footnotes say the Greek for temptation/tempted can also mean testing/tested) and then said, of course, humans can be overburdened and feel like they have been given more than they can handle and that makes this cliche wrong...BUT we have God.

In that moment, I was really glad to have googled the verse. One because it made me search for some other verses that are really helpful, but it made something a bit clearer in the way Christians interact with the Bible and the world. I think the most important part of 1 Corinthians 10:13 is that God is the one who provides a "way out" and that we "stand" in God's strength. Paul repeats Christ's power in Phillipians 4:13. Paul, again, boasts in his weakness knowing that Christ's power covers them. If given to God, confessing weaknesses only makes one stronger because they now become a testimony to God's strength. Lastly, Psalm 37 provides a beautiful image of the Lord directing the godly (might seem very regal at first) by eventually saying the Lord holds us by the hand, a very parental image. When holding Christ's hand we may stumble, but we will never fall. After doing the Biblical research, I look back at the Christian cliche. I think I understand its danger, but I also recognize the truth that might come in the silent phrase that follows it. "God doesn't give you more than you can handle (because you have God)! While I think it's important to adjust how we use this expression, especially since Psalm 37 gives a much clearer picture, it was interesting to see people trying to disown it based on the failures of human instead of the awesomeness of God.

I was drawn a bit into thinking about a child-like faith. I just imagine the confidence of a young person with faith experiencing something sad and saying, "But God is here. Why would this all mighty all loving all knowing God abandon me just because I'm crying and just because I'm sad?" I just envision a child not being completely depleted spiritually before saying, "Oh. And I can use God." I think the strength of the verses I typed out along with the cliche (in its best moments) is that they allow you to have confidence, at all times, that God is supporting you as long as you see Christ as your Solution and the Strength you stand on.

In ways, I recognize the "BUT we have God" as a strange statement. It might be semantic; however, I found power in "We have God so..." to be indicative of a different sort of relationship with God, one that's actualized in good times and bad times. What if we could always remember God was holding our hand? What if instead of feeling like we're laying flat on the ground we recognized that Christ doesn't let us fall that far if we submit to Him and call on His Power? I wonder. Thankfully, we have verses like Psalm 37 to confirm we do not go it alone.

Christ holds our hands.
Guide us.
Show us the way.
Help us walk.
Never let us forget the Hands that we hold.

We pray this in Your name, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

The Acrobatics of a Christ Follower

2008-08-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

As I walked down 42nd St. to Grand Central, the shout did not echo off the skyscrapers as much as it did my weary and confused spirit.

“I do not have the mark of the Beast!”

Pulse quickened. Eyes opened, not moved towards him. I remain locked in my thoughts.

“I do not have the mark of the Beast!”

New York City walks by and so do I.

He is quiet when I pass him. I would like to say it was just my eyes that refused contact.

I asked God to encase my body with Himself at some point through the night. And I know he did not fail. What is wrong with me? Why do I break myself?
I constantly crack the statue I never can become.

At one point in time, I wanted to be a pillar. Maybe I still do. Simply a source of strength for something bigger than itself. I wanted to be dutiful and still, not grappling with the distraction of options. It would be living by a commandment, finally obeying.

However, I was not called to be that kind of pillar. Given my passions and my talents, I think God consistently calls me to new things while expecting me to master the old with Him. He requires me to demonstrate my flexibility. Ultimately, it means I strike poses and wait for Him to carry out the acrobatics. He lifts me up, breaks me out of my stillness.

When you feel Your maker move you, you understand more of a radical peace that is practiced as opposed to given. Oh Lord, how I desire to move.

I’ve posed, silent and still. Just waiting for You to move me, Lord. I realize this breath I take grants me another chance to get closer but, Lord, sometimes, I feel myself slipping away.

The temptation of sin paralyzes me and in my avoidance of the sin I am thinking specifically about, I end up sinning in a way I had not seen coming. Why do I fall so easily? I am grateful for Your fingers that catch me, yet I separate myself from You only to recreate a lesser version of what You offer.

24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? (Romans 7:24)

Here I am, bent downwards, one knee touching the ground and the other leg lifted straight behind me. My body is lunged forward in an imaginary parallel line with my one leg. My arms connect the two lines, flowing backwards and stretching to my legs. My head looks upward, at You. Come into me and make me fly.

25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:25)

Roots

2008-08-07T06:13:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 29:4-7

4 Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. 7 But seek the peace of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its peace you will find your peace.

Where are we? What cities are we in? I listened to this amazing sermon a few Sundays ago on this Jeremiah verse and some others. The pastor's point was that we cannot see our lives as transient points, As, Bs, and Cs. No more exit plans from what should be our cities. No more clamoring to leave New Haven. We have to be planted where we are. Of course, we can move if God's will calls us to pack our bags. But even as we approach our last weeks in our hometowns or summer spots, we need to remember that our commitment to God's people in that city should be strong. After all, it is someone's home even if we don't consider it ours. And then, there's New Haven. The place many of us will return to come late August. Do we call it home? Do we seek the peace of it? Violence has increased by 56% this Summer. Are we ready to accept that pain as our own? Can we invest in the city? Make lives in it? Or do we see it as a place of exile? Let's not let society or Yale or even fellowships to define our role in New Haven or our current city as a temporary resting spot, a place to do guarded service that meets in gated courtyards, or simply soup kitchens where our charity is celebrated as if we were some heroes to the city. There is no truth to their celebration, just a pleasant reaction to a callous world.

This time last week I was watching The Dark Knight, a movie I find infinitely frustrating for many reasons. I'll articulate them at a later time. However, I have to admit that listening to this sermon on Sunday, God humbled me. As messed up as I think Batman is (and he is pretty messed up), Batman seeks the peace of his city. He does it alone. And on human strength. And with no regard for the whole of natural laws (not just avoiding the taking of life). We know better than to make those mistakes. Yet, the Caped Crusader offers himself up for the city. I don't do that. To be truthful though, the awful hopelessness of that movie inspired me to inject the hope of Christ into New Haven. If an 8 year old Christian boy or girl entered the Dark Knight and witnessed to any of the characters (alright, the Joker would be hard), then the entire movie would have changed its course. Christ's Truth is that powerful. So, a 22 year old man letting God act through him should have some impact, right? I hope so. I believe.

Psalm 125: 4

4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

Can we change our hearts? Yes. Can we change our cities? Yes. Not through capes or lies or the best out of brokenness. Only through Christ alone. Let's follow Him and seek His peace in all corners of our lives and our cities. All we have to do is let Him in. Accept His love over our brokenness, individual and collective. Let's keep transforming into what God wants us to be and not leave any areas behind.

Love

Salt and Light Reveal Heaven and Hell

2008-08-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

13"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

As some of you may know, salt was used to preserve meat back in the day. Light still shares its same purpose from Matthew's time 'til now. Preservers and Lighters. We are supposed to the carry the message of God, which makes all things new, and we are supposed to radiate in His light in order to attract others and not get cast into darkness ourselves.

What does this have to do with justice?
What does this have to do with judgement?
What does this have to do with Hell?

Everything.

There is a logic we can use to derive Hell into existence. If there's a heaven... If God is good... Weren't we redeemed from...

It exists, and I acknowledge its reality.

However, we do not have to separate God's Love from His Justice in order to understand Hell. If we do, we take the risk of making Christianity like other world religions, which focus on the beginning and the end--not in the process of a personal Savior that we can listen to and obey, a personal Savior who IS the beginning and the end; but also, present right now.

God's Power and Authority give us freedom (Genesis 1:27-31; Genesis 2: 15-17). God's Love gives us boundaries (1 Corinthians 6:12; 1 Corinthians 8:9-13). God's Justice exposes and corrects our abuses to His boundaries. I think all three are intimately linked. God judges us because he loves us. Prophets were voices that were supposed to call people to God. And God's promise that there will be an end needs to be repeated as a prophetic call from all of us, so we don't fool ourselves into thinking this cycle of life and death will last forever.

Preservers and Lighters...what does that mean?

See, I'm of the belief that while the reasons of humanists, universalism, higher criticism, secular education might have something to do with the lack of belief in Hell. The biggest reason, in my opinion, would be the failure of Christians to preserve this Earth and shine Christ's light towards it.

How is that possible you say?

Because many people claim to be living in Hell right now. Just as you can logically argue that someone who believes in Heaven should believe in Hell, we can also logically argue that people who refer to their lives as Hell (even Hell on Earth) now, cannot have a proper understanding of what Hell really is.

And if we're called to preserve and to light up the world, then whose fault is that?
I'd say it's ours.

For some reason, our hope is not the current hope of the world as much as Jesus still remains our only hope. What's been lost in translation?

Is it the presence of a hell doctrine? Is it the lack of a hell doctrine? Actually, I think Hell is only a part of this problem.

If Christians cannot demonstrate the mercy shown on the Cross by Jesus, then ourselves and others cannot truly understand how we've been saved and what we've been saved from and what we've been saved into.

Don't get me wrong. Demonstrating mercy will involve Hell. But I guess I think that process might be less focused on the doctrine of Hell than on the real presence of Heaven and the real presence of Hell (discovered through the Word and the Holy Spirit acting in us) granting us a spiritual sight that can discern our priorities and can lead us to following the will of God. I think by invoking God's justice when He spurs us to do so, demonstrating mercy when we are sacrificing willfully, and by trying to love with all of the complexity and strength of Christ's love, we would connect to people's current locations of heaven (false pleasures? a place without fear? a place where they are recognized and appreciated?) and people's locations of hell (a sense of isolation? a state of immobility? a place of pain and suffering?) and show them Jesus, who gives us a CORRECT understanding of Heaven and Hell while giving us the security of an inheritance that shields us (1 Peter 1:3-9) and a command to resist the Devil and his ways (James 4:7).

It makes sense, right? If Christians are not fulfilling our God given description of being the Salt and Light of this world, then the world becomes that much more bleak, that much more gray, that much more indistinguishable from what Hell might be like. How can anyone understand the depths of Hell if not through grace? Jesus' grace and our echoes of it, the fulfillment of the commands He has given us (For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. Source: 2 Cor. 4:6) By fulfilling those commands, people will recognize Good and its absence.

13Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear[b]; do not be frightened."[c] 15But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 1 Peter 3:13-16 (for context continue 'til the end of the chapter)

If we boldly present the life of Jesus in word and deed, people will feel the stinging dissonance of Christ's ways and the ways of the world. People will know where they can find us, followers of the true God. They will understand more the choice they have before them: life or death. They'll have understood it because we took mercy on them and their ignorance of words, of terms that have value for us. A value that might have been abused earlier in their life. Hell is a word. Separation from Jesus is a shiver that we should feel, that should connect us to God's love out of thanksgiving, and should be shared so others can see something new with us. We must work through ignorance because people's lack of belief in Hell almost certainly is related to their yearning for God. And we are the laborers who can make those connections through loving and respectful interactions through our belief in Jesus.

Lastly, I think about Jesus' messages to people. And I see a lot of his discussions of Hell as merciful warnings for those following him and enjoying him as a human teacher alone. Hell became a way for them to realize that Jesus is not another teacher; instead, He's their Salvation from the wickedness of this world and the potential emptiness they could face in the next. Then, I wonder who in my life is celebrating the fruits I've received through faith without knowing the vine where I derive my source of Life? While everyone should know and fear Hell because I think that it can only be done properly by knowing the Godhead, I think those people receiving my fruits from Jesus are my direct responsibilities. For those people, me telling them about Hell through the story of Jesus and acts inspired by Him becomes a merciful act instead of one that unleashes the wrath of God without His love to go with it, something I think Christians have done too often in our 2000 or so years of history. This is something that we've all got to figure out for ourselves in terms of witnessing and ministry but this is just my (hopefully) Jesus-inspired take on it as it relates to my life experiences and others I've known. Hope it adds something to the discussion.

Words from our Savior:

1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. (John 15:1-6)

Love

Death to Life: Christian Regeneration in the areas of Evangelism, Justice for the Poor and Oppressed, and the Navigation of Privilege

2008-07-31T23:49:00.000-07:00

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."[b]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:7-18)

Boldness. It’s what I need. Recently, I’ve been thinking about evangelism. A member of the body, a Yalie’s brother, went on a trip last year to preach the Gospel across America on some cash from his Mom and faith alone. Always waiting for Christians to extend offers of hospitality, he ventured into a biblical reality of radical welcomings or consequence-inducing dismissals. Whether sleeping in a home or outside (something that only happened to him around five times in six months, thank God!), his work remained the same. On buses, in malls, through outdoor campuses, and on the street, he preached the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For whatever reason, I had locked and sealed the definition of street preaching to only apply to the loud and judgmental representatives of our faith or someone with such wild fervor that their devotion is lost in translation in an apathetic world. However, this guy, also named Joshua, would either stand up passionately in a bus or approach people individually asking questions like, “Do you know God?”, “Do you have a relationship with Christ”, and sometimes, “Do you know where you’re going to go when you die?” At first thought, you might think these questions were an affront to many people. Yet, he discovered what a lot of us are discovering at Yale and at home: people want to be awakened from an uneventful life into freedom from Christ. I’ve said this before but what does it mean that we walk around with the meaning of Life, the Truth of God in our hearts, and are often silent? Looking at the second half of the greatest commandment, how can we not admit that loving thy neighbor as yourself, for Christians, would mean we’d want a whole lot of people to tell us about Christ if we did not know Him? Are we just afraid?

(Joshua’s appeal to all of us: http://itinerantpreaching.blogspot.com/2007/10/state-of-church.html

An amazing testimony from his trip: http://itinerantpreaching.blogspot.com/2007/09/story-of-hao-do.html

General site: http://itinerantpreaching.blogspot.com

Disclaimer: Joshua is a pretty bold guy, in general. And this is not a blind endorsement of his every comment in the blog. That said, I’ve read the entire blog and it’s clear he did a lot of God’s work on this trip).

I wonder if I’m more afraid to approach people or more afraid that this is so obviously what Christians should do, thus, how far are we from Christ’s heart? I have been praying for God to clarify his mission for me, in this respect. I am sure there is not simply one way to evangelize. While I have grown fond of being open and, in many cases, forward and frank with secular friends and talking publicly about my faith at events, I still think there’s something special about breaking down the barrier of stranger with a question or two that can create a lasting impression, a seed that God will water. There is something powerful in being "that person when I was traveling that awoke me to my ability to choose and to believe."

I should not be afraid of an opportunity from God, especially the part where I talk to God about whether or not this is what He’s calling me to do or in what ways He’d have me do it differently. I need to look in the mirror and see the security Paul talks about in our being jars of clay.

Paul gives us a challenge in this passage that seems in contradiction with the angels’ rebuke to the women looking for Jesus at the tomb in Luke 24:5, “why do you look for the living among the dead?” Unlike Luke’s account, Paul does not make “life” and “death” geographic sites that have consequences for our faith (Jesus said he’d be resurrected on the third day so looking for Jesus’ dead body on the third day is not exactly believing his words). Instead, Paul talks about a process of “giving ourselves over to death” since Life is at work in us. What a beautiful image. In effect, Paul is saying Jesus Christ will be revealed to all through our lives full of struggle AND success on behalf of him. And we have to do some honest reflection on this verse. As much as it might be interpreted as a passage of Christian resistance in an age of secularism (that allows us to just to relax Christian-style in Babylon...), I really think it’s just about spreading the Gospel with Christ as center. It is about us doing the labor of Christ.

In addition to bold and prayerful evangelism that considers individual strengths and weaknesses, all Christians also have a strong command to care for the poor, marginalized, and the oppressed. We have contemporary Christian rhetoric filled with pleas to “find God,” “hear from Him,” “see Him,” etc. Those things are important; yet, in Matthew 25:31-46 Jesus gives us a crystal clear long-lasting answer for where he is in our world: the person who is hungry, the person who is sick, the person without clothes, and the person who is jailed. If we desire Jesus, cry out for Him even, then how can we ignore the faces that Jesus so clearly stands with? There’s also another connection to evangelism and discipleship in this moment. Another moment where the work of death produces life because of Christ. Christ is invested in these stories of marginalization because of His compassion for those who are suffering; in addition, Christ knows their humble hearts are full of joy at a message of salvation and redemption in a world that offers them neither, not even common metaphors of grace. Indeed, the process of their acceptance of God sometimes differs from those privileged by God w/ able bodies, financial security, and healthy living situations. Part of navigating that earthly privilege (that we often think comes from God) is to give it up, to share it, to create a wide wake. We need to serve with the passion and humility of John the Baptist who was willing to be a forerunner for Jesus and take joy in the promise of His accomplishments that, of course, became actualized. In the same way, we need to be facilitators of making sure the poor and the marginalized do not feel poor or marginalized with us or in our churches. This is a commitment that requires more than just a hearty welcome. Instead, it might specifically mean providing ways that tangible needs can be met. Most importantly though, we need to secure and create platforms and spaces from which they can speak since in their stories, there is potential for death to be turned into Life and for us to come alongside them in that effort, as much as we are needed.

In the same way, we need to continue to confess our brokenness collectively in order to use our own transformation to glorify God. Through this, we identify our own poverty of Spirit and self-oppression and marginalization of the true Light that catches even the darkest corner. Additionally, we can also use our own needs and trials (health, financial, injustices, etc.) to testify to God. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 9-10, “But [the Lord] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Through our imperfections and the labor we do to reach the poor and the oppressed, we can begin to preach in such a way that our death will become Life.

This is not to say that God does not meet us wherever we are dependant on our class or privileged status. As we know, nothing is required of us before Christ offers His grace. We must simply accept it with a sincere love. The moments after, though, are a road to grow closer to Him. And while it is a spectacular thing to give thanks to God for the security and comfort He provides, it is, my understanding from scripture, that it is an even better thing to ask God what of our security and comfort can we give thanks for in heaven when this world passes away. Maybe this will lead us to see earthly privilege as a path to do God’s work in this life while not secretly clinging to a treasure of this world alone.

For Yale students and others who attend other schools people consider "elite", this is a tremendous task for all of us. As soon as we signed our acceptance card and, most completely, when we receive our diplomas, we have been bestowed with an earthly privilege that will never leave us in most settings in this world no matter the riches it produces. A remedy is not found in service driven from guilt; instead, solutions look like a Solomon like prayer to simply surrender our undeserved privilege to God and to ask for Him to make this influence meaningful in the lives of others knowing that does not always (or ever) mean God using us as a “face of the movement” but simply as a tool that does the work of God. Additionally, we need to ask sincere prayers that question any additional privileges that we seek.

We can often get caught up in living an elite lifestyle that requires a certain amount of privilege, busyness, respect, and quantifiable results. We might desire to live it for ourselves or others. Let us not be afraid to submit our futures to God fully without any borders or barriers that we are holding onto for reasons that our outside of God’s will.

Oh God, let us take that into our hearts fully and to spread that word to our similarly situated friends set to inherit the world and, in the process, lose their souls. Jesus, we ask that you be the only Treasure that we seek. Let our hearts reside in You alone. Show us the path You want us to walk and give us the courage to follow it knowing the ultimate cost and consequence has already been paid by You. Thank you for letting us live and gain freedom in that sacrifice. Let Your blood be a reminder of the willful sacrifices You call us to in this life and for the sin and evil that can now be forgiven and vanquished by humbly calling out Your name.

Thank you God. We pray this in Your name, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

A Third Act Moment

2008-06-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

It took me awhile to get used to this song's video. Now, I cannot get enough of it.

This video touches me for reasons completely unrelated to Brooke Fraser's wondrous voice. Something about the placement of the camera and the honest gazes it receives...just moves me. You see, I imagine God as Supreme Director, Supreme Author. We can act as we please but God controls the true narrative and consistently has the power of the pen or the lens. With God, it's always Act Three.

Most movies and stories can be broken up into three acts. The first is our introduction to the characters with the climax being the identification of the problem (Aladdin is searching for a better life but his poverty prevents him from upward mobility) and ends with an obstacle, potentially one of many (Aladdin getting stuck in the Cave of Wonders). Act Two usually centers around attempts at solving the central problem while also building other themes (Through the personage of Prince Ali, Aladdin finds a "better" life and access to Jasmine). It, too, usually ends with an obstacle (Aladdin being captured and taken to the frozen tundra by Jafar).

Act Three? The beginning of the resolution of the conflict. Lies are exposed. Lines are drawn. We finally learn what's at stake. And the war for lives, hearts, minds, and souls is named and shown, thus, it begins for many.

That last line sound familiar? That's because we wake up every day in Act Three. We have the privilege of living in a story with answers, without significant mysteries. We are simply waiting for completion and discerning our roles to maximize the good God has intended for us. As much as I love to romanticize an introduction or to heighten the stakes with a tense middle, I give in to my vanity if I cannot easily identify the Act Three stakes in my own story, our stories. Through our knowledge of the old covenant with Abraham and the fulfillment of the new covenant through Jesus, we have lived out the first two acts, at least, and to identify our lives as unclear enough "to figure out where we are" is foolish. Will we stick to our own narratives that start at an ill-defined beginning? Or will we submit to the narrative, the one that keeps us humble to our role as laborers, not the sole hero or anti-hero, for that matter. Through our labor (of faith and the fruits from it), we all become heroic because our strength is from His blood. The communal effort all goes back into the one Supreme story, the only one that can empower so many seemingly separate tales.

So as I see each person calmly and boldly face the camera in Fraser's Shadowfoot, I cannot help but admire the courage they have to face the Director. Then, I question my own gaze. I am looking at the laborers of God singing a song of resistance against the world and advocating submission to God. I am looking at them as they are looking at God, who is spatially situated with me. Clearly, the words pierce me enough to know I could never receive this message from anyone. However, the words look in me and through me, desperately seeking for a desire or a longing that can be affirmed. Indeed, the words drive me to look for Someone higher. As the song ends, I ask myself again: whose act am I living in?

I pray and hope it's His third. And I hope my word, sentence, or paragraph is exactly how He wants it to be.

Lord, give me the will and the resolve to do my labor on this Earth with joy and without complaint. Let me be still and realize the work I have to do, Lord. Stop my own strivings and guide me for the advancement of Your kingdom.

I pray this in Your name, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

My Inheritance

2008-04-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 2They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " 8Then they remembered his words. (Luke 24:5-8)

Inheritance. What is mine?

I grew up alongside Alice and Peter. These names soon became Luke and Clark. Ender and Bruce. But these names paled to the stories told throughout my literary and cinematic metamorphosis as a child. Jonathan and David, Joshua and Elijah, Esther and Rahab. Their heroics inspired me. Unlike those other names, I was told these men and women were real. I couldn’t talk to them but maybe someday I was told. But there was someone different, someone who could be not simply read but had to be experienced. As a lonely child subjected to racism and the reality of being different, my reason to believe was not profound or complicated—I needed a friend. As I stared blankly in classroom after classroom, I began to imagine this Man from Galilee as my thirty-seventh classmate. Where my lack of friends failed me, where my parents could not go, and most importantly, where I needed something more than myself, He was there. He has always been there. If there had been a den of lions, if there had been a burning bush, if there had been a fiery furnace, then He could give me the faith to wait. Iowa too shall pass, right?

Thankfully, it did. From it, I had inherited an experience of marginalization that inspired me to have a heart for reconciliation and justice. Freshman year, I decided not to take classes on religion unable to deconstruct what had gotten me through high school. Instead, I became focused on studying the social and political landscape of America, especially with issues related to race. It was empowering to see myself in a tradition and I began to map out my world not in a rigid black and white but through triplines of power that seem to go uninterrogated. While I knew God was against racism as it divided His people, I also became disturbed at how powerful these human systems were. It was not only the destructive power that has hurt so many, but it was also something that took much effort to defeat. In many ways, I felt torn. I knew Christ desired to help me in this process but I became paralyzed by the tall task ahead of me. Comfort? Is that what I was resting in? Understanding that more and more, I began to identify and heal my own hypocrisies through understanding Christ not as a personal lifesaver, but as a life giver to us all. I had to think of myself as one of many. How much of my theology was Christian clichés and bad doctrine? Recommitting myself to the Word and finding Christians in the group Salt of the Earth who were willing to challenge each other, I awakened to a Jesus who still loved me and died for me but one who wanted so much more from me and from us. To love God through a holistic obedience and, yes, to love one’s neighbor as unfamiliar as that idea might be in an individualistic society. Suddenly, the issues that made me angry (poverty, unjust war, discrimination) were not simply given up in a prayer to Christ but dedicated in a life for Christ. At the same time, the backdrop of the situation made me think. Where was the church? Why wasn’t I in it? Could it be paralyzed too? Was my lack of attendance another sign of my own paralysis?

I don’t necessarily know how it happened. Ever since sophomore year, I had been connected to SALT and considered it my church at Yale. Yet I started junior year with a goal of having more Christians in my life as friends instead of friends who happened to be Christians. This aim was complemented with my newfound interest in finding a Sunday church home. Some how or another I found the name of this church up the hill, United Church of Westville. I consider it to be one of God’s greatest blessings in my life. Seeing jaws open so wide to release a sweet sound to the Lord, I was deeply moved. It’s like they believe He’s here with us, I remember thinking. And the love they expressed to this once stranger was enormous. However, I cannot forget the emotional pinch of thinking if only the world could enter these doors and experience their love…how would it be different? Then, I remembered that was our call in reverse. Were we making His love known? In this realization, I saw an opportunity to read the Word as a community. To not promote social justice as an ideology, but to simply read the Red Letters. That place of purity and our journey together along the way has forever changed my life and given me hope in the Church, ours and elsewhere. If God had redeemed my life back in Iowa, then he redeemed my understanding of the Church in New Haven.

Inheritance. From whom?

This faith is my own, felt, deepened, and actualized in the best of the times. But I know I’ve had help. While UCW showed me Christ working in the lives of forty or so people, my mind also stretches back to my own story. My parents, their parents, my great great grandparents, and then those unknown stretches involving slavery. The crucible that gave me a lineage of a Christian faith. The Bible that I often shelve became a tool for education, empowerment, freedom, and reconciliation. The church I’ve come to reconcile with was a cell for terror, at worst, and full of freedom fighters, at best. Sometimes, I struggle with this moment and its contradictions. I have to admit though, I am humbled by it. My ancestors prayed to God for freedom, physical and spiritual, and here I am. Some of us survived. But what is my life if I forget that their prayers for reconciliation and justice are still incomplete? What are our lives if we ignore these cries and prayers and do not make them our own? There is an urgency present in our need to go beyond ourselves and truly embrace a world in need. It is not something extra. It is not a simple recommendation. It is a way to worship God and to act intentionally in His spirit; to help others achieve possibilities for freedom and justice while giving them the same freedom of choice that God has allowed us. To help others is to understand the character of our God and to understand how much we need Him in order to truly come around a communal effort that will make a difference to us and to to Him.

I am trying and that’s all He desires, as much as we can do in the moment we are in. The effort. I am trying not to seek places of death anymore; instead, I wish to listen to those Angels from the first verse I read, to remember the words of Christ and seek life. My new wonder is what if the crosses on our necks became empty tombs? Would our shift of focus turn us from identities as guilt-laden sinners perpetually paralyzed? Could it finally ignite us to accept a new life found in the promise of His deliverance from the Cross into the world three days later? To continue doing a new thing with that confidence from an empty tomb? To know its emptiness means He is with us now. Ready to help us with anything that is true to our hearts.

I want to leave you with another reading from the Bible.

14When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. 15"Lord, have mercy on my son," he said. "He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. 16I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him."

17"O unbelieving and perverse generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me." 18Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment.

19Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"

20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17: 14-21)

Again, my literary and cinematic mind always saw that scene as me using the force to boldly move these peaks while having faith. But today, I looked up the verse and I really believe that the Mountain is Jesus. He’s telling us he’s willing to move, a God of His size and magnitude. He’s willing to move if we just show an ounce of faith in Him. Even though he has demonstrated his willingness to intercede when we fail, we have the confidence of a new possibility promised in our life-sustaining heartbeats. People are crying out for a Savior, ourselves included. Let’s get moving.

Memento

2008-03-23T11:51:00.001-07:00

God has a strange and wonderful sense of humor. I watched Memento late last night at my roommate's recommendation. I'm a mild fan of Christopher Nolan, director of Batman Begins, so I thought I'd check it out. The style is great and the pacing is wonderful until the very end. I'm debating if it deserves a spot on my favorite movies facebook list. For all the style and texture, I guess it is pretty bankrupt in most other respects. Well, except one.

I don't think it's intentional, and I don't even know if it works. Memento is a movie about a man with no short term memory. (By the way, I'm not going to include major spoilers) He acquired it fighting off two men in a pivotal early scene. The story is told in two sequences that converge at the end. Color shots that move backwards in time and black and white shots that appear chronologically. Color follows black and white and so on. The last shot is the next moment in both sequences and is shot in color. The movie attempts (and I think succeeds) in asking its viewers to have amnesia and to begin to piece together clues from these short clips of remembrance. By doing so, we can discern the protagonist's actions.

One of my new theological concerns is that of memory. Being the overzealous moviegoer that I am, I concocted my theory about the movie's relation to Christianity halfway through the movie. A funny thing considering the ending. I am considering memory because of Jesus' words: "Do this in remembrance of me." I am also using the aspect of storytelling around the resurrection to represent a memory. The fascinating thing about these memories is that they are ratified in our souls and known to be true by believers in Christ. I know it's hard to explain and seems to rest on a leap of faith but that's because, well, it does. When you choose to accept Christ's sacrifice, it comes alive as an experience that you have witnessed. It's not quite like reading something powerful, but I guess that'd be the closest way I could describe it. I would be interested to know what was so powerful though about what you were reading. It might have been a moment.

In Memento, the protagonist literally has to remember who he is every ten minutes or so. He uses tattoos, notes, and photographs to do this. I felt an odd and eerie sense of recognition from my own moments where I wake up only to realize and remember my relationship with God. Or walks down the street where I suddenly snap back into the understanding of my Creator. Those are the comfortable times. Then, there are the others. The moments where bad choices and sinful actions weave a web that is so thick that it does not allow us to remember who we are anymore. Christ thankfully breaks through the white encasement and reveals Himself to us again. We forgot who He was. Because if we knew, how could we have done that to Him?

It is a movie about survival. Remember who you are and live through discernment or be lost to yourself. He has to be vigilant to surround himself with memories of who he is and guard against anyone who might try to create a false identity for himself. I am also bonded to this idea given the life of a Christian is built on lived-out memories of Jesus, but it is also supported by those times when we remember God being faithful to us. Theologically, He is always faithful. However, our human minds often need to cling to those times where we recognized God as our loving ally in this quest to overcome the evils of the world by spreading it with Light. Those memories from our own experience provide a foundation that deepens our relationship in God and the Word where we often seek and find Him. We survive in Him that way.

The end only makes this thought process more complicated. While it involved a shaking up of my thoughts on the matter, it confirmed to me that one of the differences between the movie and our lives as Christian is that we are not making memories alone. And we are not building up our identities individually. We are depending on God and a community of believers to keep the shape of our true selves and to help us remember Him when ever we might stray.

Driving down a street at the conclusion of the movie, the protagonist offers up this quote.

"I have to believe in the world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Is it still out there?!"

He closes his eyes and drives.
He opens them.

"Yes.

We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different."

I am joyful that today, Easter, fulfills a promise that upon the recognition of my sin and my acceptance of the truth of new life in Jesus enables the mirror of Christ to reflect a whole picture of me, blameless before the Lord as he wraps his arms around me. I hope I never lose my gaze from that mirror.

Five Years of War

2008-03-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

Wow.

2008-02-11T13:08:00.000-08:00

I totally dropped off the blogging world.
Thankfully, my clean room signals some balance and organization in my life.
I'll be back soon enough with something real.

Until then, isn't this picture amazing?

Love as Obedience, Belief as Action

2008-01-07T15:08:00.000-08:00

(QT, quiet time reflection, I sent to my church on 1 John over winter break as part of our QT swapping)

16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

21Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 23And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. 24Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us. John 1 3: 16-24

1 John is a sweeping reiteration involving the fact of Jesus’ death for our sins and His resurrection, the salvation into Christ that comes from that belief, and a reminder that the greatest commandment of loving God and loving our neighbors is expressed through obedience and an active display of love in Christ through emulation of His life. In addition to this, John draws portraits of people without a belief in Christ in order to expose false teachers.

I read this book during the last days of Fall semester, and I was completely struck by it. I’ve been thinking of it ever since because, to me, it provides the stuff of healing, urgency, and security for communities that seek to follow Christ.

Alice Lin quoted from 1 John in her QT looking at a verse describing God as love. John constantly refers to love and slightly redefines it in ways that are unified in his statement of loving God as knowing God, being known to one another in a relationship. Love is also very much presented as an action, it is something that we do. It is obedience. Love is stopping your brother or sister from sinning. Love seems to be something we can have but also something we step into.

In verse 16, John asks our knowledge of love always to be tethered to our knowledge of Jesus’ death on the cross for us. Saying that we should lay down our life for our brothers, John stretches what we know of Christ into what our love should look like: a reflection of Jesus’ love. These verses are incredibly meaningful to me because my faith became awakened and matured when I opened my eyes to the places my belief and love were not taking me. I was limiting my love to my comfort zone. As my interactions in life revealed more and more people crying out for help, for human recognition (value of being made in God’s image; a creation of God), for love, I started reacting to these cries from street corners, books, and newscasts. I had to love with the love I received from Christ. It was the only way to defeat what I saw as the sins of the world and the sins of my own inaction and personal brokenness. It was a love that needed to be active. Prayers, not fleeting thoughts. Walking with Christ, not paralysis from guilt. Striving to live a righteous life and being an active witness and advocate for those without justice, not taking comfort in a dormant life. As I delved into the bible anew, I was almost shocked at the words calling us into community with God through active lives of love expressed through willful serving, demands for justice, but most of all, through obedience, something that includes those things.

The dissonance was staggering at the time. The fact that I had been a Christian and known these things in moments, but was not really taught them was shocking to me. If verses like these ones in John sort of nullify the faith/acts divide, then why was that an ongoing battle almost politicized in churches and denominations. A belief in Christ demands love for Him through willful sacrifice and obedience. That belief will produce faith and fruits. I understand that people can lose sight of Christ if they act without Him and I also understand a belief in Christ can become corrupt if Jesus’ life is not followed “with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18). However, it seems like teachings should start there not necessarily from either side as has been common in my experience.

Knowing that the searing power of Love can incise any situation we find ourselves in, I often wonder how I am living and loving and question if it is pleasing to God. Using words from the simple praise song we might have sung as kids, I wonder how deep my love is willing to go? How wide am I willing to spread it? Christ's Love is, of course, infinite. As a reflection, though, ours should still be expansive and we certainly should not be engaged in the obvious destruction Victor made clear could happen with our words and destruction we know can happen with our actions. That's a bold love to emulate, and it can be overwhelming. The thing that is very comforting to me is the security found in John’s definition of the Holy Spirit. “We know[Christ is alive in us] by the Spirit he gave us.” We are not left alone with this enormous task to love God and to love others. We have a way of knowing through the presence of the Holy Spirit when we are aligned with God. We also have a knowledge that this Spirit is communal and can be found in groups of believers in fellowship under God.

This alignment, to me, is very important to discuss pre-retreat because I am pretty confident it is something that will be felt as we (hopefully) prioritize God before anything else. As Carol said earlier (and as someone who has been to UCW retreat, I can agree), retreats are like glimpses into heaven. But just as reading the Bible and then looking up can provide a jolt of reality, this can also be the situation at retreat when we feel part of the Body of Christ but also feel the same confusions we brought to retreat. I remember praying last time with many people who were questioning how to live for God in their “everyday” lives. This distinction always proves interesting to me because it sort of reveals the way we compartmentalize our lives when God seeks integrations of our talents, our passions, our past history and life experience, and our belief in Him.

Again, there is something unsettling about a popular notion of belief that has come to mean “safe” in an abused way that only really means inaction since living with God is true safety and security. For me, I see Jesus speaking against this inaction and lack of creative thinking in the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30) where he rewards those who multiply their talents and punishes the servant who squanders his talent. One of the amazing things about maturing as a Christian in college and as a youth, in general, is coming alive to Christ through the revelation, acceptance, and discovery of increased meaning of Jesus’ death for our sins as we are literally growing up and shaping our lives and potential career paths in a very real way.

As our hearts ands minds grow, we should actively see if they are awakening our Spirit and bringing about a renewed passion for Christ.

Here are some questions that a friend of mine was asked by her Campus Crusade for Christ chapter in order to get their membership actively thinking about this integration.

1.) What would I enjoy and desire doing in the future?

2.) What needs in the world and church grip me the most?

3.) What do I make a fist and pound the table about?

4.) What do I have vision for?

5.) What am I burdened about?

6.) Where am I going to make a difference?

7.) What are my gifts and strengths?

8.) What is my background and training, and how has God used it in the past?

I hope to ask myself these questions and pray about them before retreat to be ready for another undeserved glimpse of God’s Grace.

If anyone who reads this is not yet going to the United Church of Westville retreat but wants to attend (dates are January 18th-20th; Fri night to Sun morn), please comment and I’ll write back with more details.

PS Thanks Danielle for posting these questions on your blog. And I hope it's ok that I called you a friend. :)

Pakistani Voices

2008-01-04T08:35:00.000-08:00

Wow. After reading these testimonies, it is sort of sickening to remember that the American media largely used Pakistan as a foreign policy litmus test for presidential candidates. I tried to connect through the pictures. I tried to connect to that lone man in front of the car shaking his hands looking up angrily, perhaps, at God. But, the connection was tenuous since I do not know their reality fully.

Listening helped.

Pakistani Voices

...and the prayers for peace continue.

Love

2008-01-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me recently, "What is love?"
While my head immediately bounced along with my mind to the first few bars of the Haddaway classic, I knew exactly where to go. Google, unfortunately. And I looked up one of the most famous verses from the Bible and one of my favorites: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I'll add memorizing that to my resolution list. Here's some context:

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

My friend guessed the verse and then repeated a critique he has of me. "See, that book thinks for you." I did not wince or pout. I have heard this before from him and, quite honestly, I have been expecting it more from others. As I've developed in college, I've found my answers becoming His answers. On the surface, it is not a good or bad thing. A lot of people quote from the Bible and do not believe the words they repeat. But just as I feel my love alone will never be strong enough, I do not ever think my independent description of love will be strong enough either. The position of my heart and spirit is reflected in my position in the Word. Alignment. It is what I seek.

I read those words and they fill me up. Church scandals, a broken Gospel, "American Christianity," and a wounded world with privileged Christians sitting around do not take the power of these words away. They matter.

The words matter.

IS patient, kind, rejoices with the truth
IS NOT envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, easily angered, a record keeper of rights and wrong, a delighter in evil
ALWAYS protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres

I love explicating this a bit and examining always. I do not think there is a contradiction here. It's not that love will sometimes be impatient. It's that love can be demonstrated in a way where patience will be a non-factor, so to speak. But in every circumstance of love there is protection, trust, hope, and perseverance. Isn't that awesome? Or is it frightening? What if we were asked to examine our every action in this way? I'd love to live in that thoughtful and considerate world. I'd also have to radically change my behavior. It is not just the protection of our individual selves, trusting in ourselves, hoping for ourselves, persevering for ourselves. It is about a community. There are so many times when my demonstrations of love are merely demonstrations of self-worship, favoritism, nepotism, a self-seeking love, a love those who comfort me, a love for those i want to impress. Something this verse directly speaks against. The love I practice most is love for rewards, and not spiritual ones. It is a broken love that, frankly, does not deserve to be called love at all. I hope I have moved away from that more and more but I know that I have not.

Caring about others is being obedient. The status of the world as living or living dead matters to our hearts and our individual walks toward Christ. Being outward focused is not the opposite of finding Christ in our own personal compartmentalized hearts. He is everywhere. We can find Him anywhere. These are the spaces where we must meet Him. Everywhere we go. And doing one thing is not the answer. It is about integration. It is about balance. A complex love. Paul took fifty-seven words to describe this Love. In my mind, it takes two births and two deaths to fully understand it, Jesus' life and our own. It takes a lot of thinking. And only a Living book that is followed with open ears to the sounds of life, something also Written by Him, is helpful in this aim. Words that are not merely read, but felt and believed.

So, is it thinking for me? For me, that question is all wrapped up in semantics and unhelpful theology. Ultimately, I know the Light inside me is thinking against my own shadows of a former self. And words seen and robotically understood destroys the gift of free will while also presenting an ideal notion of obedience of a sovereign God. However, I do not resent that robot. I simply know I am not it. I am not supposed to be it. I am human for a reason. One that He knows and I am still figuring out.

"Can I put it in my own words?"
"Sure."

Love is the only hope we have for peace, justice, and reconciliation.
Love makes us extend ourselves outside of our bodies and think about others, seen and unseen.
Love is the healing embrace we feel in times of despair and brokenness. Love urges us not to call that moment the end.
Ultimately, love is what keeps us going on in the present and love provides hope for the future.

That's what I believe.
And that's how I'm trying to live.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Eleven Movies

2008-01-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

Originally, I thought I only had seen four '07 movies in the theaters this (past) year.

Atonement
Enchanted
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Ratatouille

Turns out I saw nine more.

American Gangster
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Spider-Man 3
Stardust
Stomp the Yard
Amazing Grace
Bridge to Terebithia
Meet The Robinsons

Airplane Movies: Music and Lyrics, Freedom Writers, Zodiac*, 300*, Waitress**, Transformers, Hairspray

*indicates I turned the film off **slept through

The year in film?

I don't know. I have to admit I was kind of disappointed. '06 was absolutely magnificent, especially December. Films that actually took me somewhere. Looking at the list of films I saw, every film (with the possible exception of American Gangster) had the potential to be amazing and also a personal favorite of mine. Almost all fell a bit short.

Top Three: Potter, Pirates, and Atonement.

2008, be better. Please.

The Beat of a Heart

2007-12-29T19:21:00.001-08:00

My heartbeat matters.

I have been saying that a lot recently. There is a promise in my breath and in the lub-dub rhythm that is either temporarily grasped at in the excitement of my being or heard in the monotony of my waiting. Honestly, my awareness has largely come from the silence of the latter. If any time was designated to be the quiet before the storm, then senior year would be a likely candidate. I could not dive headfirst into anything for the sake of post-college clarity. However, I am now pretty settled on my plans and left twiddling my thumbs for another semester. When will this adventure begin and what can come to fruition before that happens?

But my heartbeat matters.

It's not just that my organic beat is driven by a hope of fulfilling these plans. Instead, I know each day, each hour, each second is filled with moments that can either make me stronger or defeat parts of my dream. Or I can stall in that unlearned vat of procrastination and separation from the grappling I have come to know will be center to my future life. I guess my conviction comes from the communal beat I do not hear. The cacophony of sound that I always hear. The missed alignments. The shoulda woulda couldas that seem to define life for all of us. I live in imagined spaces.

I somehow hear the potential symphony. It exists as a dream, yet I know I have to be awake to realize it. Actualization is the one power we possess. The importance of a presence, of an actor, of someone willing to stand up and make something happen. I believe in change. Both positive and negative. I believe in a different reality. The stagnation that haunts my days is the one I rail against, rally against, and really struggle with not succumbing to every single day. It must be possible to harness the stuff of my flight-obsessed unconscious.

I guess I should clarify. I believe in inspired and informed action. I never want to act as routine or behave mechanically in order to ascribe to an artificial test of reality. I desire not simply movement, but meaning. And meaning takes time. It takes reflection. It takes all of the things I am so frustrated with because I have had them. We have had them. We could have been better. The past defeated us again.

But we are not dead and there is still time. And the past is too expansive to betray all of our visions and goals. There is a smallness in our remembrance. In fact, voices cry out from pages giving us advice and telling us the Truth. "Do this in remembrance of me." I hear you. I remember. I follow. The past is the present and the key to the future. Let us take our plans for reflection and go to the ground organizing, strategizing, and mobilizing while feeling the pulse of the floor. We will know when we have to get up. And then let's do it. Be there for the willing and hope for the rest.

We do not need signs. We have a destiny. And we have a promise in the sound of our rise and fall. Salvation remains and it is ours to take and to spread. We only have to quiet our lives, listen, accept our Responsibilities, and respond.

Godspeed everyone.

Picture of the Week

2007-12-29T17:20:00.000-08:00

Presidential Campaignin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

If this picture is taken a year from now at some post-election event, I would be so happy. A president...groovin'. They make me excited. In less than a week, I will probably be caucusing for him. I cannot believe this is even a possibility. Wow. He is not without imperfections to say the least, but I have a good feeling about him and can say for sure that he is better than the rest. Let's do this.

Write, write, write.

2007-12-15T19:08:00.000-08:00

Finals period is such a lonely time. Sort of isolated in Old Campus without a full suite like frosh year, I think it might be the loneliest when it gets to hardcore writing time. 40+ more pages, not including edits. 5 days.

Goal: Paper #1 ends Sunday. Paper #2 stabilizes Monday through aggressive edits. Paper #3 starts Tuesday. Paper #2 ends Wednesday. Paper #3 ends Thursday. Maybe? We'll see.

I hate constructing freedom academically, yet I can't deny the longing and the eventual celebration.
Need to prioritize.
Break as reflection, must come.

O Lord, be gracious to us; we wait for you.
Be our arm every morning,
our salvation in the time of trouble.

- Isaiah 33:2

Six Word Stories

2007-12-13T10:05:00.000-08:00

One of friends started a facebook thread featuring six word stories. It was inspired by this Emerson gem: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Here are some of my own.

I envision the first six as some sort of series.

Cosby, as father. Cosby, as dictator.

The Diaspora: You Do Not Belong

Turned inward, we will never know.

DuBois: If I could be them...

Lost hyphenated americans found in dash.

Hegemony, applause that sounds like silence.

And the rest...

Guitar in hand, I am ready.

Christ died for us to Live.

Commas provide such interesting twists, right?

Drained of power, he returned Home.

Bowing out, he returns to papers.

That one was truth, see you.
If you have some, send them!
Must stop this madness. Ok, good. (!!!)

Welcome to the Advent Season

2007-12-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

"When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and princes are home,
When the shepards are back with their flocks,
Then the work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost, to heal the broken,
To feed the hungry, to release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations, to bring among brothers,
To make music in the heart."

Howard Thuman's 1968 Christmas Poem

Beautiful. God, please help me as I write a paper about this man and his time and his legacy laid in Your name. Let it be a Light.

Required Reading

2007-11-28T05:41:00.000-08:00

This is what I will be up to during Winter break and Summer break. Hopefully, that will be enough time to consider these greats.

The works of Howard Thurman
The works of C.S. Lewis
The works of Paul Gilroy
The works of Hazel Carby
The works of W.E.B. DuBois
The works of Audre Lorde
The works of James Baldwin
The works of Karl Rahner
The works of bell hooks
God's Politics by Jim Wallis
The Holy Bible

I have a real desire to see the ways minds work and how they develop over time. I am going to start chronologically with each author's works and then just hopefully bulldoze through them while writing some essays and such. I am gonna need some good fiction to keep me motivated through these more academic personas, but I definitely am excited to delve into thinkers with robust theories and beliefs.

Words

2007-11-24T08:34:00.000-08:00

What does it mean for a writer to say 'words are cheap.' Or 'words are not enough.'

Kinda interesting, right?

Well, I asked one. A great one. More importantly, a good one.

Her answer: I write truths. And I can see when others write lies with their actions. And those are not enough. They are never enough.

In other news, I am leaving Ghana in two or three hours. I have inherited many memories from this place. It is an experience I will cherish. I cannot wait to return, to Ghana, to Africa, to the places that haunt me with their resonances.

I have to make it back.

Essential

2007-11-23T14:31:00.000-08:00

For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same.

- Matthew 5:46-47

Love

2007-11-18T16:54:00.000-08:00

Love needs to be close, immediate. It always needs to be in relation. It does not need to be suffocating, yet it demands a constant and urgent presence.

Love is mysterious.
And love is hard for us.

Thankfully, we are not alone.

2007-11-18T13:54:00.000-08:00

I am in Africa.

Wow.

2007-10-04T12:46:00.000-07:00

Divnity School Library = The New Spot.

Scratch that. Yale Divinity School Campus = The New Spot

I'm gonna try weekday worship there starting Monday. Early mornings *groan*. It'll be good for my schedule though.

Also, these Howard Thurman books look amazing. Senior essay...it just might be fly and fun. Let's hope.

2007-09-29T22:02:00.000-07:00

I wonder if John C. Calhoun would cringe at a Soulja Boy contest happening in his college or if he would smile at the latest minstrel performance?

Hard to know.

In any case, he wouldn't be my first choice for a posthumous interview.

Hmm...

Besides biblical folk, I think I'd go with Walt, Martin, Howard Thurman, Malcolm, Frederick, Sojourner, CS Lewis, Ralph Ellison, and W.E.B.

Just off the top of my head.